The After 11 Crowd

Looking for a reception venue Day 1

2011-02-12T23:57:00.000-08:00

Ang originally wanted Four Seasons Westlake Village but we are laggers and they are booked. While she is away on business, my duty was to go to the FS in Beverly Hills to scout it out. Did you know there are 2 FS's in Beverly Hills? I didn't and ended up at the wrong one. Oops. Good thing I had a local navigator with me. The correct one is a new FS. It used to be the Beverly Regent aka home of the set of Pretty Woman. Entrance was lame and on a side street.

So here are my thoughts on this place:
Lobby area was nice. Terrace for the reception overlooked Rodeo which some might think is cool, but I thought Tacky. Who the hell wants Tiffany's in the background of their wedding ceremony? Douche bags, that's who. The floor was peeling and uneven, although they did say that they were going to redo it soon. I almost face planted at one point because of the uneven floor. The reception area was the size of my bedroom with cheesy old Vegas style carpet. It reminded me of those areas that you wait in before the funeral starts.

The Ballroom set up was kind of cool, but the low ceilings and again the cheesy carpet turned me off. It was also down a steep set of stairs. The handicapped and sloshed should use the elevator. The tour guide was very nice and informative and gave us a little package of FAQs on our way out. Location is very convenient, but I will keep looking for something a little more grand and not outdated elegant.

Looking for a Bridesmaid Dress Day 1

2011-02-12T23:48:00.000-08:00

I decided that now since my life is so settled down and boring, I would blog about planning a wedding for my best friend, Angela. Step one, at least for me, is looking for a bridesmaid dress that I am going to look hot in and don't have to use as a wash rag afterwards. It's really harder than I thought it was going to be. There are a million sites. A million fabric choices. A million cuts and lengths and styles. It's tremendously overwhelming. It's not like I can just hop into F21 and just grab something off the rack like I used to do for weddings in my twenties. The other bridesmaids would probably not take too kindly at those choices.

I know 2 of the girls - one a teeny tiny powerhouse that would look good in a potato sack and one curvy bombshell that is going to stand out no matter what we put her in and then there are the 2 mystery women. Mystery Meat #1 already said please choose a dark color which leads me to think she is probably conservative or on the heavier side.

The color themes are silver and royal blue. For sure there is no way we are going get to the same exact dress. I am not settling for anything other than strapless, halter or one shouldered and I am not going to fight the others on what they want to wear. Sooooo same color, different dresses and my journey for a new dress begins. Wish me luck.

Angela wants me to be in her wedding!

2011-02-12T23:36:00.000-08:00

My best friend Angela just asked me to be in her wedding. It's a great honor. She is my best friend. She is my sister from another mother. She is my confidant, my co-conspirator, the woman I not only look up to, but look to for advice in men, making money, and marketing myself. Sadly, now I have to share her with her soul mate, a soul mate that I not only like, but think is perfect for her. I am excited to be a part of her celebration and happy that I also get to help in the planning of this life altering event.

The First Happy Hour of 2011

2011-02-04T16:06:00.000-08:00

Party peeps,

It’s a NEW, AWESOME year and we have a new venue for the happy hour and new friends that will be coming. Whoopty Whoop!

Single ladies, I have added 3 new eligible bachelors from TO (no, not Toronto for you Canadians) to the list.

Pregnant ladies, I’ll be sipping virgin margaritas right alongside you. Just because you have a big belly, doesn’t mean you should stay home. Come out and have as much fun as possible before you are confined to your home by wet, dirty diapers and your crying bundle of love.

Single men, I am still scrambling to meet more single women, but it’s hard because they get the wrong idea when I want to hang out with them all the time.

Married folks or single folks with no baby sitters, please bring your spouse(s) old and new/domestic partners/play dates/kids if you want. There is a playground right outside our new venue.

Men, although you are the bulk of who come to my HH, I am sorry, but the women on the list have complained that the current venue has horrible food and few eligible men to look at. Don’t be disappointed that we are leaving behind Pikey’s – home of the hot women in short, short plaid skirts, but be rejoiced because:

· The new venue has a huge selection of Tequila!
· More tequila = better beer goggles.
· I think this is a win-win for everyone…until the next morning. You may have to attempt the fox trap in some cases.
· But don’t worry, if you need me to, I will pretend to be a psycho girlfriend and make sure that she doesn’t call you back. I am a good friend like that.
· Don’t worry after a couple of HH’s here we can go back to Pikey’s or I will find another place with cute girl servers for you.

Ladies, I have chosen Sabor Cantina, home to HUGE, fruity, & strong margaritas and hip, upscale décor. I am looking out for your interests even though you are the minority vote on my HH invite lists.

· No longer will you be afraid of germs if your cell phone drops on the floor, because the floor is clean!
· No longer will you wonder if you have overdressed because the dress code is hot like you!
· No longer will you be annoyed at touching up your war paint makeup in the bathroom because now there is lots and lots of counter space!
· No longer will you roll your eyes at the men that are walking through the door because you will be too busy keeping your eyes straight from the watermelon margaritas or you can walk next door and go shopping.

Hope to see you there. As always I am willing to be your DD. I will be happy to offer sober, free rides home to anyone that can’t operate heavy machinery, but if you don’t live in the 805 you need to cab it. Feel free to invite anyone that I may have forgotten.

Sabor Cantina is located at the Lakes shopping center, on Thousand Oaks BLVD, next to the TO Civic Arts Center, across the street from Mastro’s and the Toyota Dealership. The closest cross street is Hampshire Rd and Rancho Conejo. There are 2 manmade lakes in the front of this place. If you can’t find it, then maybe drinking and driving should not be on your list of to-do’s.

The Lakes at Thousand Oaks2200 E. Thousand Oaks BlvdThousand Oaks, CA 91362
(805) 497-2457
www.saborcocinamexicana.com/

XOXOXO,

Mimi

Kauai Grill

2010-03-14T00:33:00.000-08:00

5520 Kahaku RdPrinceville, HI 96722

This new Jean Georges venue was a big hit with us. Located at the amazing St Regis hotel, Kauai Grill was elegant, had excellent service and delicious food. Opt for the set menu so that you can taste a multitude of dishes for a fraction of the price. Fresh fish was yummy. The lamb was yummy. The ginger ale with fresh ginger was SPICY. The desserts were totally mediocre so you should skip it and order more appetizers like the samosas.

Plantation Gardens Restaurant & Bar

2010-03-14T00:26:00.000-08:00

2253 Poipu RdKoloa, HI 96756
(808) 742-2121

This place came highly recommended from many different sources such as Yelp, locals, and magazines and all I can say is that it was highly disappointing. The presentation was awful, boring, and plain – they did not use the plate space well at all. The way the food was placed made the plate look empty and really lackluster. It was like having a date with a super model and you show up to pick her up and she has no makeup on and is wearing a potato sack. The food was worse. There was not one thing that I enjoyed here. We got the sampler which sucked. The sushi was awful. The stir fry was something you could get at a typical Chinese place. The dessert was a mud pie that looked pretty, but tasted bleh. The worst part is that the prices are outrageous for all this mediocrity. Our server was a so cal hater. She said that she used to live in SD and said she couldn’t handle it anymore and had to move back to Kauai. Why the F would you say this to so cal residents? Lame. That must be why she is still waiting tables after graduating college. The ambiance is like eating at someone’s plantation home set in a garden that sounded way better in print than real life.

Gourmet Mediterranean

2010-03-14T00:18:00.000-08:00

5-7130 Kuhio HwyHanalei, HI 96714
(808) 826-9875

Location was nice – overlooking the ocean. The atmosphere was warm and cozy. The menu had some decent Mediterranean food that was a tad overpriced, but I guess we are in HI. The spanakopita was excellent. The Greek salads were mediocre. The meat dishes were good. The coconut baklava was different and yummy. There was a singer /guitar player added to the ambiance. Service was excellent and the hummus and pita that came free with the meal was a nice touch.

Merriman’s Restaurant

2010-03-13T23:58:00.000-08:00

2829 Ala Kalanikaumaka Street #G-149Koloa, HI
(808) 742-8385

There is a restaurant upstairs and a café downstairs. Both places are good and they both get the bulk of their ingredients from local farms within a 10 mile radius. According to our server 90% of the ingredients are grown on the island. That is amazing. The prices upstairs are a little pricy, but the food is delicious and if you get a window seat, you can see a great sunset over the land behind the restaurant. For sure get the sampler – it was awesome. There were some amazing looking things on it like the calamari and the quesadillas and the tartare. Get the sampler meal – it was worth the money. The soup was decent. I LOVED the goat cheese with the bread and jam. That could have been my entire meal and I would have been in heaven.

Kauai Hotels

2010-03-13T23:54:00.000-08:00

St Regis Princeville Resort
5520 Kahaku RoadKauai, HI 96722
(808) 826-9644

If you have money to spare then this is THE place to stay. It just screams money and elegance as soon as you arrive. The service is amazing, the food is foodie quality, the ambiance is MONEY, and the views are surreal. It is just stunning there and if you can’t afford to stay there, then at least stop by and grab a drink and enjoy the sunset or grab dinner at Jean Georges new venue.

Sheraton Kauai Resort
2440 Hoonani RdKauai, HI 96756
(808) 742-1661

Although the scenery here is nice, it’s definitely not luxurious. Located on Poipu beach, there are some great places to catch some rays and play. This is the middle class man’s playground. So if you want to splurge then get one of the ocean view rooms on the beach side of the hotel. Or if you are broke then you can go across the street to the hotel’s garden view rooms which are seriously outdated and are in serious need of renovation. Our room reeked of mildew and there was mold in the grout in the shower. If you opt for no cleanup from housekeeping, they will comp one person’s breakfast. The breakfast buffet was nice and included a sweets area of pastries, French toast, and pancakes; a savory section with potatoes, eggs, and meats; and an Asian section with rice, miso soup and seaweed condiments. It was nice, but so not worth $22 a head unless you can eat like a pig. They offer you a room to clean up in if you have a late checkout. It comes with a shower and that is about it. The room they gave us looked like a CSI crime scene. Someone must have colored their hair in the bathroom because there was dark red splatter all over the shower curtains and shower walls. It was really quite gross.

Flying in Kauai

2010-03-13T23:46:00.000-08:00

Birds in Paradise
3666 Kuiloko RdHanapepe, HI 96798
(808) 822-5309

Have you ever wanted to go hang gliding, but were too scared of depending on the air for movement? Well, with the introduction of the motorized hang glider, you don’t have to worry about the wind…except when it’s too strong and throws your glider around. If you like being on a motorcycle, this is just the thrill ride you need. They even let you steer the glider from time to time. You should try to get one of the first 2 flights in the day since those are the ones that go around the Napali coast and Waimea Canyon. Otherwise the other flights just fly around the southern areas and are not that exciting to see. There are lots of over the water time and you’ll see tons of whales jumping out of the water. I can’t tell you how amazing this ride was – being out in an open vehicle was just exhilarating. It was worth every penny and you have to get the photos cd even though it’s $80 extra.

Inter-island Helicopters
3994 Kuiloko RdHanapepe, HI 96716
(808) 335-5567

I felt really safe going with this company because they spend their free time doing search and rescue missions. We did the doors off and it was so exhilarating to be able to fly at 130 mph with the air rushing pass your face. Be careful with your camera though because the strong winds will whip it right out of your hands. Our heli pilot was very informative and nice and was super adventurous. The sights were just amazing. The aerial views of Waimea canyon and the Napali coast were just unbelievable. You will see tons of waterfalls. This is the best way to see all the places that you can’t drive or walk to. It was worth every penny. They also have waterfall landings with lunch, but we didn’t do that.

Kauai Tourist Traps

2010-03-13T23:42:00.000-08:00

Things to do if you want to sight see around Kauai:

Hanapepe Swinging Bridge
Kauai Island CountyHanapepe, HI

This bridge was much bigger than I thought it would and it really doesn’t swing that much. I was expecting a rope and wood plank bridge that had big gaps in between the planks like something out of Indiana Jones, but what I got was a very sturdy wooden bridge that sways with your steps. It’s a nice photo op to stop at, but there is nothing to really look at on the other side of the bridge except for some homes. The water below the bridge is super shallow so don’t dive off the bridge unless you want to be paralyzed for the rest of your life.

Ke’e Beach
Hanalei, HI 96714

The journey to the end of the road ended at this super pretty and mellow beach. There are huge slabs of rock on the sand that are moss covered and really pretty. The moss feels like fuzzy fur bedroom slippers beneath your feet, but it smelled kind of gross. The backdrop of the beach is the start of the Napali coast and the Napali coast trails and it is just absolutely stunning. There was a seal just sunning himself on the beach when we got there – it was super cute. I don’t think this is the best place to play, but there are life guards and limited parking spots. It’s a definite must see on the north shore of Kauai.

Hanalei Beach and Pier
Hanalei, HI 96714

This seems more like a locals place than a touristy beach. The pier is nothing spectacular like the Santa Monica pier. The Hanalei pier is basically just a wooden roofed structured at the end of a long walk of wooden steps. Local kids like to jump off the end into the ocean. Local fishermen have their lines set up at the edge of the pier. All around you there are people surfing, swimming, paddling and basically being active in that everyday Hawaiian way. Its peaceful here and pretty crowded when the weather is nice. The water is pretty shallow and seems pretty mellow. It’s a nice place to chill.

Kilauea Lighthouse
PO Box 1130Kilauea, HI 96754
(808) 828-0168 www.kilauealighthouse.org

The view is spectacular. The lighthouse juts out on the edge of a cliff and there are a million birds soaring overhead. You can actually visit the lighthouse, although it was closed on the day that we went there because it was a holiday. On the way to the lighthouse are a couple of small, quaint shopping centers where you can pick up cheap plate lunches, pizzas, smoothies and snacks. There are also a couple of overpriced boutiques and shops for the high maintenance chicks in your group.

Spouting Horn
Lawai RoadKoloa, HI 96756

It’s basically a hole in a string of rocks that when the wave hits correctly makes a spouting wave that can be anything from mediocre to massive. It’s a huge tourist spot. There are also a bunch of stalls selling kitschy knick knacks and Hawaiian souvenirs. It’s totally worth a drive by, but be patient because it can take forever before the spouting horn spouts something big.

Poipu Beach
Hoone RdUninc Kauai County, HI 96752

Not amazingly beautiful, but it is a nice popular place to get some sun and play in the water. The waves are pretty mellow. There were tons of families at this beach. You can rent padded double sun chairs with shade for $40 a day. There is also pricy but decent food at the snack bar. A monk seal even came out and was resting in the sand one day.

There are also a bunch of waterfalls that are easily accessible such as Opeaka’a Falls and Wailua Falls - just grab a map

Quiksilver Roxy Poipu
2829 Ala Kalanikauamaka Ste F131Koloa, HI 96756
(808) 742-8088

If you forgot a swimsuit or need some extra casual clothes, this is pretty much one of the only places to shop at in the southern end of the island. They have an extensive collection of swimsuits for women and kids and the men’s side has a ton of shorts and shirts. I love that the Quicksilver stores in HI always carry shirts with HI stuff on it that you can’t get on the mainland.

Don’t judge me because I look like a broke ass Indian‏

2010-03-10T21:08:00.000-08:00

Once a month I get together with one of my friends, an Indian man whose parents are immigrants like my own. Both of our parents came to America poor, made money, and decided to not live in ethnic enclaves consisting of their own people. If my buddy is dressed casually, he always jokes by saying, “When you see me, don’t judge me because I look like a broke ass Indian.” You might think this is a weird thing to say, but we meet for lunch at the local country club and where we live it’s predominantly white wealthy snobby people who probably think we are part of the wait staff when we roll in to eat. It’s in a neighborhood where the only black people I have ever seen are Will and Jada Smith, Martin Lawrence, and Shaq. Martin Sheen is about the only Hispanic I have ever seen around. Yes, Martin Sheen is Hispanic. His real name is Ramon Estevez. Look it up on IMDB. Anyways, even though I grew up getting judged on my looks here in super white Westlake Village, I never grew out of judging people based on theirs.
I was getting my nails done recently and there was a new nail technician at the place I frequent and of course I instantly judged her. Nail technicians always look like fresh immigrants. Some places are filled with older ladies like my mom who sit around and gossip about you while they polish your nails. Or some places have a fresh slew of young FOB chicks that look like they just crossed the border on a boat, leaving their motherland behind because rubbing the feet of fat women with calluses is a better option than prostitution or being in a sweat shop making clothes at home.
The new nail tech was a cougar aged woman of mixed Asian heritage, drowning in makeup, clothed like a tramp and covered in tats. I don’t hate on Asians. I don’t hate on heavy people. I don’t hate on people with tattoos. I don’t hate on chicks that dress like prostitutes. This is LA and you have all of that around you 24/7. But for some reason when I saw this woman, my first instinct was to recoil in fear and loathing. I don’t want this woman coming near me or my nails. I didn’t want to spend the next hour staring at her makeup and tats because I knew that is what I was going to do. I am really glad that she couldn’t hear my thoughts because all sorts of “Yuck and Ewwww” were in my head. I was willing to wait extra long for my $5 manicure just as long as she wasn’t the one doing them.
But then my more logical side kicked in and I thought if I was in a street fight in Compton I would want this chick on my side. But since I have never been to South Central and I have no plans on trekking down to Martin Luther King Jr Blvd for a sample sale on any time soon, I figured I wouldn’t have to make friends with Tat lady. Although Tat lady was not my tech, she sat right next to me and chatted me up while I was getting my nails done. I have one of those faces that make people want to befriend me. My mom has the same face and my niece is getting one too. People think I am nice and friendly, but I am really just an angry Asian on the inside. On the outside I am all smiles and sunny delight and on the inside I am storm waiting to erupt. Just ask the poor kid that works for me. He’ll tell you what the real Mimi is like.
Tat lady spoke to me in my mother tongue. I was surprised and wondered if her mom was a prostitute or raped by a GI. My mom used to tell me that all the mixed kids in Vietnam were either from the unions between GIs and prostitutes or a product of rape. It’s probably not true, but you know how things your mom tells you stick in your head forever? She started telling me about her teenagers. She brought out her phone to show me pictures of her family. Her kids all looked like happy, well fed little versions of her. One was overly pierced in some really random places and the other one had a blue Mohawk. I thought, “oh cute, they must like her to want to look like her.” After chatting with her for awhile, she turned out to be totally normal.
By the time my nails were dry, I told myself to stop judging people based on the way they look – that it’s such a shallow, close minded way to deal with people. I was going to change the way I view people from now on. With my new slick nails and my new attitude, I breezed out of the salon and my intentions to be better failed instantly. As soon as I left the salon this tatted up, missing tooth, trucker dude was walking by and said Hi. Well mannered me replied back with a smile and a “hi” while I was really thinking, “I will stab you in the jugular and kill you in front of all these nail techs if you even try to make a move, buddy.” I will never be rude to you even if I hate you and wished you were dead. My mom taught me to be unfailingly polite to all. It’s one of those odd things about the Asian culture – you have to be nice even if you are mentally hoping that they fall and break a hip.
We kept walking side by side heading the same way and the whole time I was really hoping he wasn’t parked near me. But then Trucker dude stopped at the magazine rack and picked up a copy of Martha Stewart Living. It was so unbelievable - I wanted to snap a photo. I realized that you really can’t make assumptions based on looks, but I’m probably never going to be a big enough person to stop judging people on their looks.

Herb and Spice

2010-03-06T22:58:00.000-08:00

So we walked in and were warmly greeted. Drinks were quickly brought to us and I was feeling good about trying out this place. Service was excellent, but that was all that was good about this place. While we were waiting for our food, I noticed that my arm was stuck to the table. WTF? Was it crazy glue? No, it was some unidentifiable goopy brown shit smelling sauce that was now stuck to my arm and shirt. I now smell like shrimp shit. Thanks Thai place. They bring the food out but they didn’t bring us silverware. Umm when I am in the jungles of Nam and Thailand I am ok with eating my hands, but when I am paying almost $100 for my meal, you better give me a fork and knife. Dinner for four came out to $90 and no we didn’t have any beer or sake shots or happy endings or anything crazy from this place. We also didn’t get asked if we wanted our food mild, medium or spicy. Look at my photo people, I am not white. I think that the Thai servers should not assume that since we have ONE WHITE GUY in a table of minorities that we want our food made with absolutely no hint of spice in it. It was worse than mild. This is what we ordered: The sampler platter which came with the fishiest smelling crab and cream cheese fried wontons, eggrolls with nothing but cabbage and pepper in them, greasy fish cakes, and fried shrimp that were the only palatable item on the sampler. The sampler also came with a trio of sauces – one with cucumbers that was ok, a typical Chinese plum sauce and the shit smelling brown one – now I know what is stuck to my arm. We also got the chicken yellow curry which gets points for having all white meat, but gets points deducted for undercooked potatoes and the runniest consistency ever. It made me wonder if I had mistakenly ordered soup. I read some dude’s review and he recommended the yellow curry and said that it had an Indian influence to it and I don’t know what that is supposed to mean, but I think he was talking about the really weird brownish mustard color of it. My friends and I were remarking on the oddness of the color. Needless to say we didn’t come close to finishing that dish. We ordered plain chicken and rice for the white guy and that came out cold, but he said it was better than Yoshinoya’s chicken bowl. The pad see u came with really rubbery charcoal tasting noodles, but was saved by the chunks of fried tofu that were decent. The pepper beef and broccoli came out with basically no pepper in it. The Guatemalan guy in our group got that and he was so sad that it was not spicy at all. Umm where is the pepper in the pepper beef? They must have mistaken the salt for the pepper since the dish tasted like a salt lick. The meat was rubbery and the broccoli was undercooked. The meal was finished up with dessert which was the best part of the whole meal. We got a fried banana with ice cream and also the sticky rice with mango – 2 things you can’t really mess up.

Quick Bites in Kauai

2010-03-04T22:32:00.000-08:00

Lappert’s Ice Cream and Coffee
5242 Koloa RoadKoloa, HI 96756
(808) 742-1272

There are multiple locations on the island, and it’s basically a local man’s Baskin Robbins. There were several flavors that we don’t have at home such as passion fruit and tons of macadamia nut and coconut combos. The service is better at some than others, and the selection is better at some than others. Some of them are fancy and even carry coffee and pastries. My favorite was Tutu’s anniversary which was a swirl of coconut, passion fruit and raspberry and it was so much more amazing than rainbow sherbet. We went to Lappert’s every single day of our trip and sometimes twice a day.

Living Foods Market & Cafe
Kukuiula Village
2829 Ala Kalanikauamaka Koloa, HI 96756
(808) 742-2323

If you are a Whole Foods or Lassen’s or Trader Joe’s health food junkie and you are sick of eating Spam and Loco Mocos, come here for some fresh foods, healthy options and snacks. Located near the Sheraton in the south side of the island, Living Foods is not only so cute and well organized and set up perfectly, they carry some awesome items. They carry not only food, but also beauty products and there is also a little café inside that makes crepes and other yummy items.

Hanapepe Café & Bakery
3830 Hanapepe RdHanapēpē, HI 96741(808) 335-5011

This was the cutest bakery that I found in Kauai. The have yummy stuff like macadamia nut cinnamon rolls, chocolate coconut pie and sweet potato pie. The place is pretty big with plenty of tables and chairs to eat in. The location is not the greatest in this sleepy town of Hanapepe which is a short walk of galleries, book stores, and the swinging bridge.

Kauai Nut Roasters
4484 Aku Rd Unit B5Hanalei, HI 96714
(808) 826-7415

They take simple nuts, add in some tasty ingredients such as salt, sugar, honey, spices and create the most fabulously delicious nuts you have ever had crunch between your teeth. I am so in love with all of their sugary options. They leave canisters of samples out front for your pleasure so you know what you are getting before you lay down your hard earned cash for these tasty treats.

Grinds Café
4469 Waialo RdEleele, HI 96705
(808) 335-6027

This was the yummiest “local” place that we ate at. It came highly recommended by the people that live in the area. The menu has your traditional Hawaiian favorites such as loco moco and plate lunches with mahi mahi and some very un-Hawaiian items such as the Grinds sandwich which was salami, pesto cream cheese, tomato, and parmesan toasted on top of fresh baked Grinds white bread. Grinds bakes goodies daily such as bread, carrot cake, muffins, and cookies. My favorite part of this place was that postcard rack. The postcards were 5 for $1 and it made it very convenient for us to write our postcards while we were waiting for our meals to be prepared. Another awesome thing was that the post office was right next door. Talk about convenience!

Kilauea Bakery & Pau Hana Pizza
Keneke St.Kilauea, HI 96754
(808) 828-2020

The bakery is super cute and the food looks great. We just grabbed a couple of desserts and drinks since we had already eaten lunch. The desserts, baked on premise, were a little dry and tasted not so fresh. But if you need a snack, grab a glass of passion fruit lemonade and a pizza. The service is not super friendly though so don’t be expecting that Aloha spirit at this place.

Kilauea Fish Market
4270 Kilauea Lighthouse RdKauai North ShoreKilauea, HI 96754
(808) 828-6244

The place is small, the benches outside are not super clean, but the food is pretty decent, the service is friendly and I love the homemade wife beaters that the help wears. The clientele seem like a mix of tourists and hippie locals…like blonde guys with waist length dreds and Birkenstock types. Come here for a quick plate lunch before you head to the lighthouse.

Oki Diner
3125 Kuhio HwyLihue, HI 96766
(808) 245-5899

It’s your basic Hawaiian diner – friendly service, spam and lots of loco moco. The food is not spectacular but it is edible, service is quick and friendly and prices are reasonable. We got teriyaki chicken and rice, loco moco, eggs & Spam, and macadamia nut pancakes. Everything was decent, but it’s definitely not a foodie gourmet place. There is inside and outdoor dining.

Tomkats Grille
5402 Koloa RdKoloa, HI 96756
(808) 742-8887

The food was totally NOT amazing. It’s set in a touristy part of the island in a shopping center with nothing remarkable in it or about it. The service was good, but the food was absolutely nothing special. We got a Caesar salad that was very heavy on the parmesan and the dressing although the lettuce was fresh and a plate lunch with pork, tuna poke, and macaroni salad which made my stomach hurt.

Sea Glass Beach

2010-02-28T14:07:00.001-08:00

Sea Glass Beach
Port Allen, Kauia HI

You have to travel towards the Port Allen Harbor, past an industrial plant ,around the corner, down a dirt road and look for other parked cars. It will feel like you are tresspassing or that you are going the wrong way, but dont get scared. This beach is located near an old dump site and that is how there is so much glass on the beach. It's totally not what you would expect. The glass is so fine that it looks like big sand. It's safe to walk on and it just feels like rough sand. The glass comes in array of colors including brown, clear, green, blue, and a few others if you get lucky enough to find it. None of the glass is really big enough to collect or make jewelry from, but you can take a scoop and put it in a container and it looks pretty cool.

Santa Maria Magdalena de Pazzis Cemetery

2010-02-21T13:54:00.000-08:00

San Juan, PR

I want to be buried here. It’s a stunning location worthy of a 5 star luxury hotel. The deal back in the day was that cemeteries had to exist outside the city walls so one was started in between the forts of El Morro and San Cristobal del Castillo facing the Atlantic Ocean. There are about 1000 gravesites here and it’s so peaceful and beautiful. The walls of the forts overlook this area so grab a picnic lunch and come and eat with the dead and enjoy the sounds and sights of the crashing waves.

Slums of La Perla

2010-02-21T13:28:00.000-08:00

San Juan, PR 00933

I’m not sure why they don’t tear this place down and build a luxury hotel here, but it’s an interesting area to check out…but only during the day unless you are trying to score drugs or want to get shanked and gang raped. This might be the most beautiful slum area ever, overlooking the beautiful Atlantic Ocean between the forts of El Morro and San Cristobal. It started out as a slaughterhouse, then workers and farmers started moving into the area and poverty leads to criminals and there you have it. Reggaeton and salsa concerts are held there at night in an effort to revitalize the image of La Perla which might sound like a good idea, but good luck.

El Morro

2010-02-21T13:20:00.001-08:00

San Juan National Historic SiteSan Juan, PR 00933
(787) 729-6777
http://www.yelp.com/biz_redir?url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.nps.gov%2Farchive%2Fsaju%2Fmorro.html&src_bizid=sE6UvaEmYLT0gIv-Fe6LNQ&cachebuster=1265264618

This is a really cool fort. Get the double fort package. It is a discounted price that gives you entrance to this place and San Cristobal. It’s a short walk between the 2 forts with gorgeous views of the ocean on one side and colorful buildings on the other side. There are some really awesome views of the ocean on one side and of the entire city of SJ on the other side. The best part of this place is the view from the top and the views of the cemetery next door – it might be the best place to get buried in the whole world. There are some cool cannons and cannon balls to look at. The rest of this place can be skipped if you don’t have the time or the inclination to check out dark, musty old rooms and corridors. There is also a short video to check out if you want more info. Going to the bathrooms is A MUST SEE!!! At the end of the stalls there is an opening with beautiful ocean views. It was the best bathroom view ever.

Castillo San Cristobal

2010-02-21T13:04:00.000-08:00

Norzagaray St San Juan, PR 00901
(787) 729-6777 http://www.yelp.com/biz_redir?url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.nps.gov%2Fsaju&src_bizid=5ytzzqae8AxK1x7WMjo9WQ&cachebuster=1265264642

This is a really cool fort. Get the double fort package. It is a discounted price that gives you entrance to this place and El Morro. It’s a short walk between the 2 forts with gorgeous views of the ocean on one side and colorful buildings on the other side. There are some really cool views of the ocean and of the city from the top, especially the government building. The best part of this place is the view from the top. The other stuff can be skipped if you don’t have the time or the inclination to check out dark, musty old rooms and corridors. If you are walking from one fort to the other before of the slums in between, it’s kind of shady there.

Conrad Condado Plaza Hotel

2010-02-21T12:51:00.001-08:00

The view of the bay from our room

our room

the bridge from the ocean side to the bay side of the hotel

The lobby

999 Ashford AveSan Juan, PR 00907
(787) 721-1000 http://www.yelp.com/biz_redir?url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.condadoplaza.com&src_bizid=giIOedNoJB_ksn7LTLwr8A&cachebuster=1260422873

You roll up and it looks a little ghetto for a Conrad, but the inside looks hip and trendy like a W Hotel. It has recently been renovated and I really love the modern décor. Service is nice, the casino is pretty dead except on the weekends, and there are views of the beaches on one side and views of the bay on the other side. If you get views of the beach they are awesome. The bay views are really pretty too, but you have to walk across the street to get to your room…annoying but you get to walk through a cool overhanging bridge. There are pools on both sides of the hotels but the ones on the main part of the hotel fronting the beaches are much nicer. There are also tennis courts, a gym, and kayaks. The beaches here are ok – not amazing, but better than the beaches in California. The pool area has 2 pools and a Jacuzzi and tons of beach chairs. There are also hammocks in the grassy areas where you can relax in. The pina coladas are yummy here. There are tons of rocks on the beaches her for you posers to take photos on. Try to keep you gaze on the right side of the beach since all you see on the left side is traffic and construction. It’s kind of nasty and depressing and this is a public beach so there are lots of locals hanging out sharing the beach with you. Watch out for all of the sand fleas – they are nasty and vicious. Overall it’s an ok place to stay but there isn’t much action here. You should try staying closer to Old San Juan.

Orozco’s

2010-02-21T12:44:00.000-08:00

1126 Ave AshfordSan Juan, PR 00907

It looks like a mom and pop hole in the wall – a place that you would walk right past and not even glance or maybe you would glance at it like I did and keep walking, but it was the best meal that we had on our entire trip in San Juan. It was the friendly host standing outside that made me want to eat here. I figured that he deserved my business with all of the hard hustling he was trying to do to get people to eat at his place. He made us feel like family. He got the grilled chicken with rice and the most wonderful flavorful beans in the world. The meal also came with a little salad. I got some sort of Puerto Rican sampler that came with fried plantains, some sort of “dirty rice” with beans and meat in it, a side of pork and gravy and a crepe looking thing that was filled with seafood. The dirty rice was amazing. If this is how good dirty tastes then I don’t want to be clean ever again. The seafood crepe was also DELICIOUS. For as good as the food was, they should have had more patrons. The only other people in here were another couple and the chick had my shirt on. What a random occurrence. The place was clean and the service was quick, friendly and efficient.

Metropol

2010-02-21T12:41:00.001-08:00

Avenue Isla VerdeCarolina, PR 00913
(787) 791-4046
http://www.yelp.com/biz_redir?url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.metropolpr.com%2F&src_bizid=K17WsCtD5X7MywZn9QKTDw&cachebuster=1260422947

This place was recommended by the Ritz Carlton. I am thinking that they must get some sort of kick back for recommending this place because it was across the street from the Ritz and it sucked. It was packed and located next door to a cock fighting place. It’s a Cuban / Puerto Rican fusion food which means more rice and beans and plantains. I don’t care how hungry you are, you are better off at the nearby Chili’s than this place.

La Bombonera

2010-02-21T12:35:00.000-08:00

259 Calle de San FranciscoSan Juan, PR 00933 (787) 722-0658

Everyone talks about going here and I think it’s really over rated. It’s another tourist trap. Lines are long and the service and food are mediocre. Ok, I have to admit that the desserts are decent but it’s not worth the hour long wait to eat at the overly crowded tables. If you happen to get here at a time where there isn’t a crowd then grab an espresso and a sweet and enjoy it, but if you have to wait 30 minutes or more to eat here then just skip it. Try the ham and cheese sandwich with powdered sugar. It’s an interesting taste of sweet and savory. It’s one of those things that taste really awesome if you are hung over or high with the munchies.

Café Mallorca

2010-02-21T12:32:00.001-08:00

300 Calle San FranciscoSan Juan, PR 00933 (787) 724-4607

Sister to the La Bombonera, this place is not quite as crowded or as small and they serve pretty much the same stuff. Again seats are typically crowded and the menu is limited to eggs and sandwich and sweets. Coffee is strong, service is ok, and the food is ok. Do it if you can’t get into La Bombonera, but skip it if you want better food. It’s just another café in a string of many cafes in this city. Try the ham and cheese sandwich with powdered sugar. It’s an interesting taste of sweet and savory. It’s one of those things that taste really awesome if you are hung over or high with the munchies.

Café Manolin

2010-02-21T12:29:00.000-08:00

251 San JustoSan Juan, PR 00901
(787) 723-9743 http://www.yelp.com/biz_redir?url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.cafemanolinoldsanjuan.com&src_bizid=61OL9tcaZHG1WS351jxeYw&cachebuster=1260423020

I read in 2 separate magazines that this place is amazing and either I just hate Puerto Rican food or the magazines were paid off by this place. There was a good assortment of locals and tourists sitting at the small tables or on the bar stools at the counter. The menu carries typical Puerto Rican food including mofongos which are mashed green plantains in a dome shape. When you crack the dome, there is a chicken and gravy filling. It comes with a side of rice and plantains. It was not great. The dome was kind of hard and the gravy was super salty. He got a chicken with gravy sauce and with a side of potatoes, rice and plantains and that was not good either. Maybe we ordered the wrong stuff. The server helped us with our selections and we were just not thrilled with the food. I was so hungry when I got here and so disappointed when I left. Skip it and try another place. The place was clean and service was good though.

Budatai

2010-02-21T12:13:00.000-08:00

1056 Ashford AveSan Juan, PR 00907
(787) 725-6919
http://www.yelp.com/biz_redir?url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.budatai.com%2F&src_bizid=Jo1oNHLrYKooFvQ3djvtCA&cachebuster=1260423000

This place wins the foodie choice award for me of all of the places we ate at in SJ. The place has some delish Asian dishes including pork dumplings with shaved truffles and sweet and spicy hamachi. It’s located next to the Louis Vuitton store in the ritzy Condado area. With views of the ocean across the street, a third level patio area, an over attentive wait staff ad some delicious menu items, this is the best place to eat in SJ. I heart the little Buddha sliders that come on Chinese steam buns. It’s romantic, it’s trendy, it’s hip, and it’s worth checking out.

Ajili Mojili

2010-02-21T12:08:00.000-08:00

1006 Ashford RdCondado, PR 00907
(787) 725-9195
http://www.yelp.com/biz_redir?url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.ajilimojili.com%2F&src_bizid=1kP3z8lI1N8iIbS2IkdjFQ&cachebuster=1260422979

This was another mediocre restaurant that came highly recommended by several travel magazines. Located in the Condado area in a very cute colonial style building next to the bay, AM sells fancy Puerto Rican food at fancy prices. The food is nicely presented but not that great, especially at these prices. We got a steak covered in mushroom sauce accompanied by rice and beans. The steak was decent but the mushroom sauce was greasy and too salty. The rice and beans were bland. We also got these little mashed and fried plantains cups filled with shrimp that was salty and totally worthless. The last thing we tried were little mashed plantain cakes with little pieces of fish on top. Again, the cake parts were bland and the fish really salty. On a more positive note, the mojitos are strong and the service friendly.

Sushi on Fire

2010-02-19T23:14:00.000-08:00

301 Main StHuntington Beach, CA 92648
(714) 374-8885 sushionfire.com

The sushi is fresh, the rolls are awesome, it’s centrally located on Main Street and the catering is amazing. Usually when you order large platters for parties, you never know what you get, but our platters were full of fresh fish and the presentation was beautiful. I heart the spicy tuna here!

John O’ Groats

2010-02-19T23:11:00.000-08:00

16120 Ventura BlvdEncino, CA 91436
(818) 501-2366 http://www.yelp.com/biz_redir?url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.ogroatsrestaurant.com%2F&src_bizid=e5p4FnNrvZaJ4IBK3mL41Q&cachebuster=1265777922

This is a great breakfast – tons of tables on the inside and outside – there is even bar seating. The problem is that they are so great that they are packed all the time. The mango macadamia nut pancakes were so fluffy and perfectly awesome – they were even dusted with toasted coconut. They were so sweet and delicious and they didn’t skimp on the mango. The Huevos Rancheros were voted one of LA’s top 100 breakfast items and they were only excellent because their tortillas were made out of biscuit dough – otherwise it was just eggs, peppers and beans. That tortilla was the best tortilla I have ever made, but you won’t like it if you are a corn tortilla purist. We also got the cilantro potato pancakes which were really tasty, but they lacked a kick – they should have added more cilantro or maybe some jalapenos for some heat. We got iced coffees which were super acidic. We swapped them out for cappuccinos instead. Service was good. The owner even came out to check up on us and listened while we complained about the coffee.

Vinoteque on Melrose

2010-02-11T23:10:00.000-08:00

7469 Melrose AveLos Angeles, CA 90046
(310) 860-6060 http://www.yelp.com/biz_redir?url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.vinotequela.com&src_bizid=7WuL6AyJ_LdFdfaO49F70g&cachebuster=1265776574

I love a place that has a small plates menu because I can try a variety of things at about the same price as having a full meal. Ambiance is cozy chic. Bathroom is a one man stall but has a cute door. There is an inside and outside eating area. The food was beautifully presented for the most part. The desserts and cheeses are a must try.
1. Roasted Beet salad with pears that had a ton of other ingredients in it but came out bland and not very pretty looking
2. Frisee Lardons – salad with big fat juicy bacon pieces and an egg – the most amazing bacon I have ever had. I wanted to buy the pig this time
3. Prosciutto wrapped asparagus – too salty and the egg mushroom fondue underneath was bland and unappetizing looking once you cracked the egg
4. Gnocchi with port and stilton cheese sauce was to die for. The texture was silky and amazing and I wish there was more of this in the order
5. Lamb meatballs with a goat cheese center were tasty in that weird combo kind of way
6. Mussels with chorizo and garlic aioli were not too “fishy” and the addition of chorizo made it a good combo although it may sound odd
7. Vodovan shrimp with garlic butter was a little tough and too salty and not anything special
8. Yellowtail tartare with avocado was fresh but the soy citrus sauce was too glazy in consistency - kind of like the teriyaki sauce you get at Japanese places. Serving them with potato chips is not such a great idea.
9. Pan roasted scallops with corn and chanterelle mushroom relish – corn good, scallops just decent
10. Cheese platter of Pierre robere, gouda, and Spanish manchego was drizzled with a quince paste and served with a kava gelee, apricots and bread sticks. I would swap the breadsticks out with some crusty baguette type bread but the cheese was amazing
11. Pear crumble with pistachio ice cream and pear fraiche was so good that I could have eaten 3 of them12. Churros filled with chocolate, strawberry or vanilla cream and served with coffee custard and whipped cream was also excellent

Secret Garden

2010-02-11T23:02:00.000-08:00

255 E High StMoorpark, CA 93021
(805) 552-9523 http://www.thesecretgardenrestaurant.com/

Located in old town Moorpark on a quiet street, the Secret Garden is a neighborhood gem. The place is small and the chairs are turned to the side so that you can easily slide in. The table leave ample room for all of the food that you are going to order. The plates and silverware are delicate and pretty like the kind your grandma brings out on special occasions. The bread basket had fresh baked bread sprinkled with parmesan and came with unsalted butter. The jumbo prawns with asparagus came with a peppery mushroom risotto in a lobster sauce that was amazingly not too heavy or salty. The prawns were huge and cooked perfectly. The salmon was also peppery and cooked well and came with the most super creamy cheesy mashed potatoes and delicious pan fried zucchini and the yummiest fried sweet potato strings – they were like veggie candy sticks. After dinner we grabbed a couple of dark, fresh coffee and the most amazing baked pear tart. The crust was so crusty and flaky and perfect that we both exclaimed, “Oh my god!” at the same time. The tart came with vanilla ice cream and caramel and chocolate sauces. The service was unbelievably amazingly awesome – our server was attentive and helpful and kind.

Side Street Café

2010-02-11T22:58:00.000-08:00

996 Lawrence Dr Ste 103Newbury Park, CA 91320
(805) 499-9323
http://www.yelp.com/biz_redir?url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.sidestreetcafenp.com&src_bizid=i7FduXOgah-SRCTmuDesPA&cachebuster=1265776350

I found this place on YELP and it made me so happy that I don’t have to choose between IHOP and Denny’s for breakfast anymore. The location is really random but the service and the food make up for it. It’s located in an odd industrial are of town that I have never been to or would have thought to drive through. The ambiance has the cozy warm and fuzzy feeling like you are at your aunt’s house if she lived in Kansas. There are a TON of rooster decoration in here. Someone really likes cocks. So you and your friends can crack cock jokes while you are waiting for your waffles. The place is clean, the service is friendly and the food comes out fast. I got the banana nut waffle covered in nuts, powdered sugar, cinnamon and bananas. For another dollar they will throw in 2 eggs and bacon or sausage. It’s really enough food for 2 people but I am not sharing. He got the steak which was your typical budget steak, but hey we are not at Mastro’s so it was ok. It came with a huge helping of freshly pan roasted rosemary potatoes that I really liked but he thought were bland. He thought it was bleh and I thought it was yeah. The server came by several times to refill our drinks. The bill was $26 for all this food.

Corrigan’s Steak House

2010-02-09T20:30:00.000-08:00

556 E Thousand Oaks BlvdThousand Oaks, CA 91360
(805) 495-5234

This place is a TO staple. It’s been here FOREVER. It is kind of a random place but I love it for the western vibe that the original owner has left behind. If you live in this area, please check this place out at least once. The owner was a stunt actor back in the 20s and there are cool photos of him and other actors all over. Don’t get distracted or turned off when you first walk in by the bleh bar or the people sitting there having drinks. It’s an older, not hip or hot crowd. Just keep walking until you get seated in the main dining area. We all got steaks that were cooked well and were juicy. The best part was the potatoes that came with our meals. The potatoes came with all the fixings in these little super cute containers. I LOVED IT. It was the best potato presentation I have seen. The beans that also came with our meal were delicious.

Loft Bar and Bistro

2010-02-09T20:24:00.000-08:00

90 S. 2nd StSan Jose, CA 95113
(408) 291-0677 http://www.yelp.com/biz_redir?url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.loftbarandbistro.com&src_bizid=x-MTN0h8WcsFktBVBvlNuw&cachebuster=1264049068

This is the sister restaurant to Caper’s loft and although the food was not as good, the service was excellent. We ate upstairs in the area that turns into the dance floor adjoining the bar. The bar scene was pretty dead. We ordered the scampi prawns which were a little fishy, tuna sashimi which was ok but seared too much, chicken parmesan – huge but bland, pork tenderloin - undercokked, and BBQ chicken sliders – typical bar food. I loved our server, but that is all I loved here. The food was mediocre, but I guess that’s typical for bar food. Do you like Asians chicks? There are a ton of them here.

Bellagio Hotel

2010-02-07T21:41:00.000-08:00

3600 Las Vegas Blvd SLas Vegas, NV 89109
(702) 693-7111
www.bellagio.com

You can’t really complain about anything here at the Bellagio. There are some amazing restaurants, a decent shopping area and the service everywhere is awesome. The spa is also super great – I LOVE IT! There is a little coffee shop that carries amazing ham and cheese croissants. They are to die for. I also love the dessert place with the chocolate waterfall. It’s decadent and everything is delicious. Bellagio is not the hippest place or the trendiest, but it is luxurious and the fat girl in me just loves the food here. Try to stay in the main towers and not the ones near the chocolate fountain. It’s a pain in the ass to walk extra to your room after a hard night of partying in heels.

Burke Williams Sherman Oaks

2010-02-07T21:28:00.000-08:00

15301 Ventura BlvdSherman Oaks, CA 91403
(818) 789-3339 www.burkewilliamsspa.com

I love this place because it’s big. I hate going to a spa and being armpit to armpit with people because the shared spaces are tiny. That drives me crazy. They have a Jacuzzi, a steam room, a sauna, plenty of showers, spacious bathroom stalls, tons of locker space, and they provide decent amount of amenities in the bathroom for you including blow dryers, curling irons, hair products, hair ties, etc. The little waiting benches kind of suck and need to be plusher but that is really my only complaint. There is a nice quiet rooms and I can’t complain about any of the treatments I get here. Everyone is wonderful and I really love it here. They validate parking. They also carry some cool products for purchase in the lobby area. I am addicted to the lemon cleanser and the pear berry serum.

Larsen’s

2010-02-04T23:22:00.000-08:00

1555 Simi Town Center WaySimi Valley, CA 93065
(805) 522-4800

Larsen’s steakhouse is the latest Simi Valley town center endeavor. In a long string of failing restaurants in this shopping center, I hope this one survives. The décor is dark wood + low lights. It’s roomy and boring in that typical elegant steak joint kind of way. The starter bread basket rolls were doughy, garlicky, cheesy goodness. Remember how happy you were as a kid with a new container of PlayDoh? This was how happy I was biting into these amazing rolls. Wood Ranch has nothing on these rolls and Red’s is a close second. I had the petit filet mignon that was tender, juicy, perfectly seared and bleeding just the right amount. The baked potato was large and a little dry but still had good flavor especially after I drowned it in butter and sour cream. The Mac n cheese was blended with chives and was creamy and tasty. When dessert time rolls around, they bring you a lighted menu. The lights are cool, but the teeny tiny writing is ANNOYING. WTF? Why do I need to struggle with reading the menu when I am so fat and tired and sleepy from eating 12 ounces of bleeding cow and 2 pounds of starches? Anyways, the dessert menu runs the typical gamut of brownie sundae, key lime pie, 5 layer chocolate cake, and a cheesecake covered in phyllo dough covered with bananas foster sauce. We got the bananas foster cheesecake. It was bleh – tasteless and ugly. It looked like a chimichanga with brown bananas on top and warm cheese in the middle. The whip cream that topped this dessert tasted like it was from a can. I understand that you are coming here for the meat and not the sugar, but why not excel at every aspect of the food pleasure process?

More Than Waffles

2010-02-03T22:15:00.000-08:00

17200 Ventura Blvd Ste 109Encino, CA 91316
(818) 789-5937 www.morethanwaffles.com/

More than Waffles is located inside the Encino Town Center next to a bubbling fountain and has a cute outdoor eating area. The inside has a country homey décor. For you fatties, they have a limited selection of low fat, calorie restricted items. A nutritional breakdown is even included. There are 20 different kinds of waffle…well there is one waffle with 20 different toppings. Some of them have super cute names such as The Love which is dipped in dark Belgian chocolate with strawberry ice cream and whipped cream. Waffles here are not huge and they are only 140 calories each, but it could a diet disaster with all the junk they put on it. I ended up getting the pumpkin spice waffle which was basically a plain dry overcooked waffle with a side of pumpkin sauce. It was a huge disappointment. Thank god they have more than waffles here because I also ordered the Tuscan Eggs Benedict which came with overdone poached eggs – there was no runniness when you cut into them, over a feta cheese and tomato bruschetta mix with a piece of toast underneath. I suggest getting the toast on the side because it was a soggy mess under the tomatoes. The servers are all super nice, the service was quick and place was pretty clean. I would come back based on the extensive menu and good service, but not based on the food options that I had chosen.

Company Kitchen at Luxor

2010-01-31T20:01:00.000-08:00

3900 Las Vegas Boulevard SLuxor Hotel CasinoLas Vegas, NV 89119(702) 262-4702

The only reason we were in the Luxor was to see the Criss Angel show which was a total waste of money. Company actually served really good food and the hostess hooked us up with free entrance for our entire group of 10 to the club LAX. I have to say that the hookup was really nice considering it was me and 9 guys. No one ever wants to let guys in for free…especially little Asian guys since they can’t really drink that much before turning red and throwing up. The club must be really hurting…but back to Company – food and service were both excellent and I highly recommend the Kobe sliders that came on sweet Hawaiian bread, the spiced fries and the pork sandwich – YUM YUM YUM

Baklava Factory

2010-01-29T20:42:00.001-08:00

17540 Ventura BlvdEncino, CA 91316
(818) 981-3800

I don’t know where to begin each time I walk in here. There are so many options. There are so many calories for me to consume. They not only have a bunch of different kinds of baklava including those made with pistachios, walnuts, almonds, or chocolate, but they also have Turkish delight, marzipan, cakes, cookies, and other Middle Eastern specialties. I absolutely love their baklava with the walnuts. Everything is fresh and the baklava pastry shell is super flaky. The honey just drips all over the place. I could eat the entire tray! The woman that works behind the counter is super sweet and super patient because it’s going to take you forever to decide what you want to eat. Just get one of each thing!

The Chocolate Bar

2010-01-20T20:24:00.001-08:00

17312-A Ventura BlvdEncino, CA 91316(818) 784-7714

Hidden in a totally unexciting shopping center, this little chocolate shop is way too nice to be here. It’s filled with exquisite high end chocolates that run $2 each. It’s worth every penny to sample some of these delectable morsels. If that is a little too pricy for you, they also carry pre-wrapped specialty chocolate bars in flavors that include unusual flavors like wasabi, chili pepper and pomegranate. They also offer chocolate drinks and sandwiches. It’s the perfect place to have lunch with one of your girlfriends or come for a quick PMS pickup during that awful time of the month. On top of all this goodness, the lady behind the counter is a totally sweet doll.

C & O Cucina

2010-01-07T21:27:00.000-08:00

3016 Washington BlvdMarina Del Rey, CA 90292
(310) 301-7278

There are 2 locations on the same street and this is the Cucina larger of the 2. Since it is further away from the Venice Pier, the people are a little better dressed, the ambiance is nicer and the location not as crowded. I am not really sure why people would waste time eating at the other location when this one is nicer and bigger. The food is delicious and the waiters are overly generous with the garlic knots. It’s going to be hard, but refrain from filling up on the garlic knots. Their portions are huge so SHARE. They come in 2 sizes – individual which can really feed about 3 and gargantuan for you fat asses or you cheap ladies looking for leftovers so you won’t have to buy lunch tomorrow. I love the roasted eggplant lasagna and the fusilli gorgonzola.

Claim Jumper

2010-01-06T23:11:00.000-08:00

2150 Thousand Oaks BlvdThousand Oaks, CA 91362
(805) 494-9656 www.claimjumper.com/

If you are a foodie, this is not the place for you. If you are with a bunch of fat asses who want their money’s worth in food then you might come here. The portions are so large that one entree might feed the entire country of Ethiopia. Why do they give you so much food when it’s so mediocre? Is it because they want to make up for the lack of good taste? It’s a good place to come to if you like to share. You could order the sampler, 3 meals and feed all 10 of your friends. I like to throw group lunches here since there is always ample room for large parties. The service for large parties is actually excellent and you can order one piece of the mother lode cake and feed the whole party. Eat more pay less.

C & O Trattoria

2010-01-05T20:36:00.000-08:00

31 Washington BlvdMarina del Rey, CA 90292
(310) 823-9491

There are 2 locations on the same street. The Trattoria is the smaller of the 2, but located closer to the pier and all the action. The food is delicious. The seats are pushed tight together. The wait is horrendous on the weekends. The waiters are overly generous with the garlic knots. There is self serve wine on the table. Not one thing the ten of us tried was awful. I especially loved the Fettuccine Sun-Dried Tomato Pesto. It’s so creamy and flavorful. The ambiance is not hip or cool since it is a beachy town eating area – flip flops and T shirts are ok. The food is not worth the long wait so make a reservation or eat early. And if you are into public displays of annoyance, the waiters sometimes break out in “That’s Amore”.

Nine by Rob Marshall

2010-01-04T21:16:00.001-08:00

If you like musicals then you might like this plot less attempt by Rob Marshall to create a follow-up to his equally boring Chicago. Again the costumes were fun and the choreography energetic and I was pleasantly surprised that Kate Hudson could shake her ass. The movie is about a movie director named Guido, his writer’s block, and the women that revolve in his life. Nicole Kidman is the stunning leading lady for the script less movie. You only see her for about 5 minutes which is ok with me. Fergie is the local whore that shaped the director’s view on women. She had to gain weight for this role and it is amazing how much she resembles Kirstie Alley when she is fat. They could be sisters. Penelope Cruz is perfectly cast as the director’s sex kittenish mistress. Judi Dench is the costume designer / voice of reason / mother figure for the emotionally lost spineless director. Kate Hudson is an American Vogue writer that tries to get into the director’s pants. Sophia Loren is the director’s mom.

About an hour into the movie, you ask yourself, “WTF is this movie about and can I still get my $11 back?” Guido keeps having anxiety attacks and you keep hoping that he has a heart attack to end your misery over this interminably long movie. He keeps calling on his mom to guide him in this weird Norman Bates kind of way – creepy but still boring. He confesses to the public that he has no script, his mistress leaves him for her husband, his wife leaves him for cheating on her and finds success in a new acting career, and the only person he has left is Judi Dench. You think it’s over and it still continues on and on until the movie finally ends with him making a successful movie.

Italy’s Little Kitchen

2010-01-04T21:00:00.001-08:00

8516 Lincoln BlvdLos Angeles, CA 90045
(310) 645-1220 www.italyslittlekitchen.com

This place is randomly located in a ghetto looking area next to a KFC. Parking is not great. The tables are packed together kinda sardine like. The entire layout of this place sucks, but the food is pretty good. We got the penne arrabiata which was just spicy enough, the chicken salad that came with fresh lettuce and tender chicken, and the eggplant parmesan which was thoroughly covered in sauce and generously coated in mozzarella. The garlic bread that comes free was fresh and not too overwhelmingly garlicky so you can still make out after eating it. Service was decent and portions were large. Think about sharing a meal or you might have to buy bigger pants.

Cyber Cheating

2010-01-03T11:51:00.001-08:00

It used to be if you got caught naked in bed with someone other than your wife/husband/GF/BF it was cheating unless you had some sort of swinging license. It used to be that if you were married and had your secretary on your desk with her skirt around her waist and your pants around your ankles it was cheating. It used to be that if the hooker’s mouth was around your cock and your wife walked in it was cheating. It used to be if your husband was being frisky with his male assistant in your bedroom it was cheating. But today with the onslaught of new technology - text messages, emails, social site postings, etc - where do we draw the line between cheating and flirting?

· Is it cheating if you are sending provocative text messages, emails or social site postings to someone other than your significant other?
o It’s not cheating if you wrote, “You looked hot at the party last night.” It is cheating if you wrote “you looked so hot when you were blowing me at the party last night while my wife was passed out on the couch next to us.”

· Is it cheating if you are exchanging naked masturbating videos or naked Skyping?
o It’s not cheating if you are sending them for opinion purposes or if it is related to work. For example, if you were a porn star and you sent it to your friend and asked, “Should I use the shot of me with the glass anal beads or the double headed monster dildo as my next submission to Hustler.com?” It is cheating if you are sending the video in an attempt to get the recipient to masturbate to your video while his GF is sleeping in the next room. It is cheating if you are attempting to get him so hot that he leaves his wife in the middle of the night for a booty call.

· Is it cheating if you have joined a gay club on social sites and you told your wife you are not gay?
o It’s not cheating if you are just joining to support your gay friends. It is cheating if you are getting your rocks off looking at all those chiseled boys in their choke collars.

Exotic Sushi

2009-12-20T18:15:00.000-08:00

1930 Newbury Road #100Newbury Park, CA 91320 (805) 375-3205

They have a female chef! And it’s not one of those implanted slutty girls that bend over too much so that your date is busy looking at her tits and not you at a trying to be trendy sushi place. I get their albacore roll and my BF gets something a white guy would – fake crab, avocado and tons of the thick brown sauce all over. I love my roll, he loves his and we both like to come here for a quick bite. The people are all super nice and they even held my camera for me when I left it here one night.

Beso

2009-12-17T19:22:00.001-08:00

6350 Hollywood BlvdLos Angeles, CA 90028(323) 467-7991 http://www.besohollywood.com/

It is pretty dark inside with a small reception area that open up to a large open lounge area for pre dinner drinks. The upper eating level looks down on the lower level like in a club. The ambiance is understated luxury, with big crystal chandeliers, small mirrors, candlelight, and a fully glassed in 8 feet tall wine rack in the rear. The bathroom looks like a restored slum area compared to the dining area – try to skip it. We had dinner midweek at 7 and it was super DEAD. There were only about 15 people in the entire place. Our server was efficient, but not friendly – she would be an awesome grim reaper character in a movie. The busboys were really efficient as well. Don’t waste your money on the artichoke guacamole – it is super bland and the pita chips taste like they are from Costco. The taco sampler was DELISH – 5 little tacos stuffed with yum sauces and tuna tartar, grilled fish, steak, plantain, and chicken. The sirloin was tender and it came with 3 sauces that I used on my fries – the green chimmichurri sauce and Cabrales crema were good, but the BBQ sauce was too sweet and glaze like for me. Both the onion strings and the fries were way too soggy and also a waste of money at $8a piece. The creamed spinach with feta was my favorite but the spinach was super creamed like baby food. Other good options were the mashed potatoes, the jidori chicken & chili rubbed skirt steak. 4 people stuffed to the point of unbuttoning our pants and a bunch of take home food resulted in a $200 bill.

Sweet Arleens

2009-12-17T19:20:00.000-08:00

960 S Westlake BlvdSte 4Westlake Village, CA 90265
(805) 373-7373 www.sweetarleens.com

I am super happy that yet another cupcake place is in town, but disappointed that the cupcakes are still not as moist as the ones I can get at home...but then again my mom has been in the baking business since I was old enough to say "Food! Now!". I give it 2 stars only because they also sell bread pudding which is hard to come by these days. Here is what I tried:Peach bread budding with amaretto sauce - super soggy but flavorful and I loved the little chunks of peaches. Skip the sauce, it was a waste of calories.Carrot cake - dry but frosting was goodStrawberry - dry and the frosting tasted like belly fat - it had a really weird, soft rubbery consistency and I actually had to spit it out because it grossed me outChoc Peanut butter - dry but really peanut buttery so if you like Reese's pieces you might like this oneChoc marshmallow - super rich and fudgy frosting and cream in the middle was tasty but again it was dryLemon - dry and the frosting was super tacky like rubber cement. It was the weirdest feeling lemon frosting I have ever tried

Working out

2009-12-17T19:17:00.000-08:00

Gold's Gym
197 N Moorpark RdThousand Oaks, CA 91360(805) 496-9331

I don't have a membership, but my BF has this awesome membership where he can take someone with him EVERY SINGLE DAY FOR FREEEEEEEEE. So sign up for that and get your BF or GF in the shape that you really want them in. There is a good selection of clothing in the front, a juice bar, a tanning salon, and the bathrooms are pretty clean. The indoor pool is in plain sight of the entire gym so you can watch all the "moms" doing their water aerobics class - Mariah Carey swears by this form of exercise. The aerobics room is also in plain sight of the weight room so you can get buff and check out some hot bouncing butts. The best part is that there is tons of parking and it's not that crowded even during meat market hours.

24 Hour Fitness
2595 E Thousand Oaks BlvdThousand Oaks, CA 91362(805) 777-7300

I have been a member here since it opened and I loved it at first, but the cardio equipment is starting to fall apart. There is always at least 3 or 4 broken cardio machines at any given time. It always smells like sweat in there and it is always PACKED at peak "meat market" hours. Good luck finding parking at the beginning of the year when everyone decides that working out for a month will make them skinny for the rest of the year. On a happier note, all of the employees are nice and it is centrally located on TO Blvd near the Toyota dealership.

Rock Sugar - Century City, CA

2009-12-13T20:11:00.001-08:00

Century City Mall

10250 Santa Monica BoulevardLos Angeles, CA 90067
(310) 552-9988 http://www.yelp.com/biz_redir?url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.rocksugarpanasiankitchen.com&src_bizid=od-e09qz8bvZOtGuPTwHMg&cachebuster=1257145449

The backdrop of this restaurant is a visual orgasm – it’s elaborate, it’s stunning, it’s just so beautiful. On top of all that aesthetic glory, the food is actually so yummy that I wish I lived in LA so that I could eat here every night. The pan Asian fusion menu includes item such as Vietnamese spring rolls, Indian samosas, Japanese sashimi, and Thai bang bang chicken. There are soups, salads, rice dishes, noodle dishes, and curries. The green curry is amazing enough to bathe in. The ginger fried rice makes you want to work your own rice paddy. The Vietnamese sandwich is really different from the traditional one but it is sooo flavorful that you can’t pass it up. You can’t leave without trying their strawberry ginger shortcake covered in strawberries, strawberry sorbet and Thai basil ice cream. OMG! It is total nirvana. It’s better than a Thai massage with the happy ending.

Sample Sale Shopping is a Ruthless Sport

2009-12-11T22:47:00.001-08:00

Recently Neiman’s had a designer handbag and shoe sample sale. This means that a huge shipment of designer goods at obscenely discounted prices were available for the first come first serve people. This event is a test of survival of the fittest. She who gets the best deal wins. I don’t know what it is about limited goods at discounted prices, but it turns normally friendly and polite women with good manners into those people you see on TV. You know the ones I’m talking about. They are usually from some war torn country where the government has taken away their electricity and running water and they are suffering from drought, AIDs, malaria, hunger, or a lack of fast internet service. Slow internet service would cause me to kill too. Seemingly normal women - happy housewives, powerful executives that run large corporations, limber yoga instructors, and grandmothers turn into rabid animals, foaming at the mouth, ready to tear into one another over the last 50% off Gucci handbag. Women who haven’t worn a size 5 shoe since grade school suddenly decide that they can squeeze their size nine feet into a pair of Dior sandals. It’s like Cinderella’s stepsisters trying to fit the glass slipper. It’s not going to work. They don’t give a rat’s ass if they are never going to wear the shoes, as long as they can say that they once got a pair of Diors for $200. People train and hone their skills for these events. You not only have to show up bright and early to get through the doors before your fellow shoppers, but you also have to be able to spot the highest end bags and shoes and be able to get to them before the other ladies do. You also have to be able to not be polite. All is fair in love and war and sample sales. You can push, you can shove, and you can be rude. I have been known to yank things out of the hands of others. Technically it’s not yours until you swipe your credit card so if someone has not reached the register then you can do anything you need to in order to get that bag. I like to pretend to go nuts over a bag or a pair of shoes in an effort to fake someone out. If I act like I can’t live without the shoes or bag that I am holding it will make other women want it too. Women always want what other women have. Once they try to grab the bag you are looking for you grab theirs, which was the one you really wanted. It works every time.

Holy Grill

2009-12-11T22:32:00.000-08:00

659 Townsend St San Francisco, CA 94103
(415) 431-4659 http://www.yelp.com/biz_redir?url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.holygrillsf.com&src_bizid=27oLHFt7aHDzQmp2c543fA&cachebuster=1258268179

Located seemingly in the middle of nowhere, this tiny packed place was way better than I expected. The menu is a good combo of healthy and junk food so your lazy fat ass can come in and eat with your lean vegan yoga friend and both of you can be sooo happy. The sandwiches and burgers have unique themed names such as the epiphany, the pagan, the trinity, and the dogma. The sides also have fun names such as the virgin fries, the nirvana garlic fries, and halo rings. Floats are called walk on water. The only thing that has a boring name is the milkshake which is just called a shake. The service is fast and friendly. The food is delicious – I got a salmon burger with the garlic fries which were LOADED with raw garlic. I couldn’t even stand my own stench after eating those so be careful! The only downside is the lack of seating.

Calzone's Pizza Cucina

2009-12-10T22:15:00.000-08:00

430 Columbus AveSan Francisco, CA 94133
(415) 397-3600 http://www.yelp.com/biz_redir?url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.calzonesf.com&src_bizid=eIp-wW02p_jcrZ2atZGDRA&cachebuster=1258268226

We were lost in little Italy. There were so many choices everywhere we turned. If there are so many places to eat, why the hell do so few places have parking? San Fran sucks in this respect because in LA there would be valet. We stumbled upon Calzone’s by tripping over all of the sidewalk patrons. They have small and tight outdoor tables perfect for people watching. My lasagna was full of meat and cheesy and generous with the sauce. The orzo was chocked full of seafood. It was almost overwhelmingly swimming in seafood. Overall the food is good, but their bread sucked. What kind of Italian place can’t do good bread? Service was nothing special.

The Standard - Downtown

2009-12-09T21:17:00.000-08:00

550 S FlowerLos Angeles, CA 90071
(213) 439-3030
www.standardhotel.com

I loved the décor. It looked like a lemon exploded – it was wall to wall yellow – yellow booths, yellow walls, yellow everything! We cruised by for lunch before going shopping at the Unique LA show. I got the croquet monsieur with a fried egg on top, a side of real crunchy fries with the yummiest jalapeno dill ranch, a mocha that was not hot or strong enough, and a mediocre tasting chocolate croissant. Service was decent. Food was excellent. Ambiance was typical LA – good looking people trying to look grungy and hip at the same time. There was even a D list star not worth naming in there.

The Twilight Series: New Moon the movie

2009-12-06T20:20:00.001-08:00

The movie like the book was extremely dull and tediously long. I want to say that it’s my time of the month and I am emo and usually sappy stories like this one make me so happy, but even with my raging hormones this movie still made me want to weep with boredom. The movie was meant for pre-teens who don’t expect much. Now that I have reached cougar status I need more action in my love stories. The chemistry between Edward and Bella is still awful. I was so happy when he left her in a heap on the forest floor. They both look like they are constipated when they are together. I think the only good actress in the movie is Alice, but how hard can it to be to play a bubbly high school girl? They did some amazing camera angles to make Jacob look extra buff. I wanted to stop and rewind and rewind again when he first took his shirt off. Why is there not a pause button at the movies? Bella is like maybe 100 pounds in her skinny jeans and she looks monstrous next to Jacob. J looks so yoked when he is in single shots. Why she would trade Ed for Jake is beyond me. Ed looks like an emo wimp and he had a scene with his shirt off so why didn’t they make him work out more? The scenery of the movie is AMAZINGLY BEAUTIFUL. The scenery might be the best part of the movie. A close second would be the man to wolf transformations. The effects were cool – not Transformers level cool, but I am sure they were not working with the Transformers budget and it wasn’t Michael Bay making the movie. Since I read all 4 books, I am doomed to have to watch the next 2 installations, but I hope they get a bigger budget and a new director that spices it up a little.

Cirque Du Soleil's Kooza

2009-12-05T09:10:00.000-08:00

Santa Monica Pier1550 Pacific Coast HwySanta Monica, CA 90401

The traveling cirque tent shows are so different from the ones in Vegas. The smaller more confined tent is more intimate, but less comfortable. The pre show clowns were typical to a CDS show. There was this really annoying constant “Move away from the stage!” warning. It drove me crazy. I have to warn you that the seats are tiny. If you are overweight, you will be uncomfortable. I am a little over 100 pounds and I was uncomfortable. Music, lighting and makeup are awesome as always, but the costumes looked a little budget. I am not sure what the theme was but there was some crazy king and a kid with a kite. The stage was a mix of construction site meets Indian Bollywood with Latin, Indian and Middle Eastern music. Costumes included some sari inspired, brightly colored outfits in fuchsia and gold. Many of the male costumes had humungous cod pieces. Bigger is always better in LA, I guess. The entrance act had a guy carrying a pole with a dancer attached. This chick should open up her own strip class – she was awesome. There were people running on big beach balls. Then they jumped on top of each other – it was ball, person, ball, person – running around. There was a big blanket toss of people back and forth. The second act was a trio of female contortionists. They curved themselves around each other head to ass in snakelike poses. They looked boneless and their movements were so fluid and sensual and sexy as they balanced on top of each other. The best part of this was when one of the chicks kept her had planted on the floor and the rest of her body was running around her head. It looked like something out of Beetle Juice. The third act was a trapeze chick clad in a crimson costume with a flame colored wig. The wig was red and orange and yellow and was so cool looking when she was swinging around in the air by her feet. The break in circus acts brought out this human size dog that would piss into the audience. The fourth act was this shirtless guy on a unicycle twirling this chick around him like they were making love salsa style. It got me all hot especially when she was sitting on his shoulders with her crotch inches away from his mouth. The dude was probably gay, but whatever it was as hot as watching those Chippendale dancers. The dude eventually got off the unicycle and was able to jump back on the thing without using hands. The fifth act was a double high wire act with 4 guys that involved jumping rope on the wire, fencing each other, playing leap frog – one guy jumped over 2 of the other guys that were lying down, and then one sat on the other guy’s shoulders and walked across. I thought it was over when, but it got crazier – 2 guys on bikes held a stick between them and one of the guys balanced a chair on the stick and got on the chair balanced for a bit and then got down. It was crazy core work.
There was another break where they picked theater attendees out for some magic, illusion and confetti spitting into the crowd and some pick pocketing and stripping of a kid with a tie. Next there was a dark gross dancing act with skeleton dancers and a coat that opened up and all these rats fell out. It was like Halloween meets Mardi gras which led into the wheel of death act which is 2 hamster wheels set teeter totter style rotating in a circle with a guy in each wheel doing flips, twists and turns. Eventually the guys moved from the inside of the wheel to the outside jumping rope on the wheel as it turns. The hard rock background music added to the adrenaline pumping through you while you were anticipating for one of these guys to trip on their rope and fall to their death. The seventh act was the most amazing juggler ever. He juggled nerf balls and hoops while bouncing a ball on his head. I can’t even describe how awesome he was. You just have to go see in person. The eighth act was a totally tatted up real lean guy in a g string that balanced on ten stacked chairs. The last act used teeter totters to propel girls and guys on stilts into the air. A dude was on stilts and got propelled into the air, did a couple of flips and landed upright. And then the magic ended.

My cougar camp B-day invite

2009-12-05T08:53:00.000-08:00

So I wasn’t going to have a party because there is not point partying after 30. You just look like a desperate cougar.

This is just an intimate dinner party for my some of my closest friends.

Be warned, if you thought I left someone out from the invite list, YOU ARE WRONG so don’t even think about being nice and letting someone not on this exclusive list know about this. Do not invite anyone else unless you are sleeping with them (aka spouse, BF, GF, domestic partner or booty call) or if you or your spouse or domestic partner gave birth to them. Please feel free to bring your kids because I know Ava and Grey are coming. Please do not rush up to my nephew and scream at him about how good looking he is and how you want to eat him up and hold him. This freaks him out… especially if you are white and not Dan. He is not around a lot of screaming white people so please refrain from making him cry and slapping you. Yes we have taught him how to slap offenders. Please do not feel bad if your children are monsters or cry. We will seat them at the opposite end of me. I will be fine. Don’t worry. My niece Ava is aggressive and will tell them to shut up. There is a full open bar if you want to sedate your children. Don't worry about it, alcohol is on me. Please use liberally.

DISCLAIMER:

If you can’t make it don’t feel bad because I won’t. We are all adults. We all have our own separate lives. We all have to think of our own needs and what makes us happy. If sitting around a garlic smelling place, eating high calorie foods, watching your stomach bloat, and looking like a fat ass tomorrow doesn't sound like a good time, then save me the drama of watching you eat in fear and stay home. If watching me scream over the table in an attempt to talk to people, shoving mushroom ravioli in my mouth and hogging the ranch dip annoys you then don’t come. I will not be offended. If you are afraid of gathering in groups then don’t come. I won’t care. Some of us have dependents like Mel with her swine flu ridden baby. We don’t want your swine flu but we love you Mel. Some of us don’t live here anymore because our friends (me) get us jobs that relocate us like Orralyn. We will miss you and Matt, Ori! Some of you won’t be in town. It doesn’t matter. I am getting lasagna with extra cheese and I will be extremely happy until I wake with diahrrea the next day. If you want to be there to witness this and be able to Face Book about it then come out…or not. I won’t be offended.

Xoxox The Dinh

PS: This party has lots of couples. If you (aka Eric, Diana, Danny, etc) can’t deal with being single and watching other people happy and possibly making out with their significant other at the table (aka Dan) then either get some blinders or don’t come.

Eric’s Restaurant

2009-12-02T22:57:00.001-08:00

495 N Ventu Park RdNewbury Park, CA 91320
(805) 716-4100

It feels a little seedy to roll up to a hole in the wall hotel in a hole in the wall little town. The bar was filled with the typical not hip and not cool people you would expect to find at a not hip and not cool hotel bar / restaurant. I went in with low expectations, walked up to the bar and thought about turning back and eating at Del Taco which is right next door. I was surprised to find that service was great and so was the food. They serve you 3 types of bread and make it look like a sail boat. He had the steak that was tender and cooked correctly and it came with a side of veggies that were crisp and not soggy and a potato hot pocket. The hot pocket was a unique way to serve your standard potatoes. I got the chicken with a mushroom sauce. The chicken was perfect and my mashed potatoes were creamy, but the sauce was just ok. If you want a new place to eat, check it out, but I wouldn’t go out of my way to eat here just because the ambiance is mediocre and the location is not in a cool place.

Blowfish Sushi To Die For

2009-11-22T17:54:00.001-08:00

355 Santana RowSan Jose, CA 95128
(408) 345-3848 http://www.yelp.com/biz_redir?url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.blowfishsushi.com&src_bizid=1OFFIl0ntXIeyP57gN4CYw&cachebuster=1257145361

I used to go to this place when it was on Sunset Blvd in LA. Then they went out of business and I discovered it in SJ. If I owned this place I would make the waitress dress up like the anime characters that are playing on the flat screens on the walls…like a slutty Sailor Moon or one of those bondage chicks with the crazy blue hair. Or I would make them dress like the crazy chicks in the Harajuku district of Tokyo. The guys I would make look like the Dragon Ball Z characters with huge hair and funny outfits. But they would have to be buff like the DZ guys. Maybe I would call it blowjob sushi. The ambiance at Blowfish is hip and trendy and fun in that cartoony Japanese way – it’s way more LA or Vegas than SJ. There are cool rolls named Godzilla and Buddha. There is a real cool sushi pyramid. Service is good. Food is good. Desserts are to die for.

Holdrens

2009-11-21T09:02:00.000-08:00

1714 Newbury Rd, Ste ANewbury Park, CA 91320
(805) 498-1314 www.holdrens.com

This neighborhood steak house located in a low traffic area is just as good as the name branded steak houses of Mastros and Ruth Chris. My steak was perfectly red and cool in the center and bleeding like a girl with a new boob job. My sides were sides. Who really cares about the sides? It’s all about the beef and mine was tender like a new born baby. I could have sliced through it with a butter knife. What I really wanted to do was pick up my rib eye with my bare hands and eat it like a barbarian. But we were in public, so I just cut really big pieces so I could stuff as much in my mouth as I possibly could. I looked like a chipmunk, like a really happy one with it’s cheeks stuffed full of juicy beefy goodness. The flourless chocolate cake was the best chocolate cake in the world. I want to smear that all over myself and lick it off. You must try this sometime.

Willow Glen Frozen Yogurt Company

2009-11-18T22:54:00.000-08:00

1104 Lincoln AveSan Jose, CA 95125
(408) 292-5961

I have always wanted to try frozen custard. I was deeply disappointed to find out that it tastes like any other soft serve desserts. As soon as we walked in, each person was given a sample of vanilla frozen custard and a sample of chocolate frozen yogurt. They also had homemade ice cream. I opted for the homemade ice cream in a vanilla based ice cream with huge swirls of raspberry and a chocolate based ice cream with chunks of peanut butter. The ice cream was really mediocre compared to other homemade ice creams I have had. The place was clean and service was friendly and you can’t knock the free unasked for samples.

Fit 2B Thai

2009-11-16T23:20:00.000-08:00

593 N Moorpark RdThousand Oaks, CA 91360
(805) 496-2501 www.fit2b-thai.com/index.html

Taking over the former place of Olga’s Kitchen, this semi fast food Thai place has a huge open kitchen, friendly service, good sized portions and decent prices. The menu is limited to about 20 simple Thai dishes such as yellow curry and chicken satay. It reminds me a little bit like a white washed Asian quickie food place that is shadowing in the footsteps of other white washed Asian places such as Sensei and Pick Up Stix. There are 2 different kinds of rice – white, brown, and new trendy purple. Kids will love the Grape Ape colored rice. I got the yellow curry which was as bland as my date on Tuesday. The potatoes were undercooked. That drives me crazy. The only thing I hate more is finding egg shells in my egg salad sandwiches. We also got a chicken and rice dish which tasted like one of those teriyaki bowls you get form Jack in the Box without the sauce and a chicken with yellow curry wrap which is an interesting way of turning Thai food into Mexican. It’s not haute cuisine, but if you want to easy to go Thai with lots of smiles then come here.

Monique Lhuillier turned my brother into a dress snatching maniac

2009-11-15T21:47:00.000-08:00

I am the most awful maid of honor ever. I can’t be counted on to do anything on time, except for showing up on time, double fisting drinks at the bachelorette party…and that was only because it was hosted by the Men of the Hollywood strip. Something about almost naked, buff men gyrating their junk in my face makes me really happy. If I was a man, all of my loose dollars would be picked up by whores and their money grubbing vaginas sliding down metal poles. I don’t care if these guys are all gay. I am appreciative of their beautifully chiseled bodies and their tiny G-strings and their bump and grind. Because of this my soon to be sister in law enlisted my brother, Quan, instead of me to help her go dress shopping. I have to hand it to her, she picked well. She wanted to start with the best so she and my bro went to the Monique Lhuillier yearly sample sale. Hopeful brides to be wait in line for this annual sale like geeks who wait in line for the latest I-phone or X-Box. As soon as the door opened, my brother acted like it was a paint ball tournament and he wasn’t taking prisoners. He bum rushed passed the girls, pushing women to the side, and grabbed an entire rack of dresses for his soon to be wifey. He is a really mellow guy. I never knew he had it in him to be this forceful and aggressive and crazy. Bridezillas cursed him for taking all the best dresses. Desperate brides were curled up in the fetal position crying outside of the dressing rooms. Men thanked him for saving them from spending thousand dollars on something that was only going to be worn once and wasting hours of time trying on the dresses. Then he diligently waited as she tried every single one on. He has the patience of Mother Teresa. She ended up with 2 dresses since they were so cheap and she is the perfect sample size. Quan should make this into a career. Who needs a wedding coordinator? It’s way more important to have a dress snatcher.

Bill’s Café

2009-11-15T19:35:00.000-08:00

1115 Willow StSan Jose, CA 95125
(408) 294-1125 http://www.yelp.com/biz_redir?url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.billscafe.com&src_bizid=NTcYsSOMR7axKPehOPhwLA&cachebuster=1258267897

Over 400 yelps and 4 stars and we were sold. 7 meals later, we were still in agreement that this place has pretty great breakfasts, although the ambiance is lacking. The place looks like it hasn’t been renovated since the 60s. There were 7 different eggs benedicts. I got the eggs cordon bleu version which was poached eggs over a croissant, covered in Swiss cheese and hollandaise sauce. The hashed browns were super well done on the outside and mushy in the middle and so flavorless. The skillets were a little undercooked. Pancakes come in super awesome flavors such as coconut, macadamia nuts and banana, frosted flakes and strawberry, and chocolate and coconut. The bread pudding French toasted with the caramelized bananas was beautiful but tasted awful. Do not get the OJ. It tasted like Tang. It was disgusting. Portions are HUGE. Prices are reasonable. It’s a good people watching place. The hostess has a great rack.

Ottavio’s

2009-11-14T22:39:00.001-08:00

1620 Ventura BlvdCamarillo, CA 93010
(805) 482-3810 www.ottavio.com/home.nxg

This is mom and pop place in old town Camarillo has been around forever and although the food is not amazing, the service and warm feelings here are. As soon as you walk through the doors, you are warmly welcomed and the great service continues throughout your meal. This was my favorite place to eat when I was in college. The menu offers typical Italian fare. The tutto mare is a favorite of mine and it tastes better cold the next day for breakfast. Portions are good sized. The place is always full and there is a full bar for you alcoholics.

I stepped on a used condom at Neiman Marcus

2009-11-11T22:27:00.001-08:00

I went to Neiman's in search of either a new handbag or some new boots, got out of my car and stepped on a used condom. My first thought was, “OMG! Please don’t let that be a Trojan! I hate Trojans!” My next thought was, “What kind of people F*ck in the parking lot of Nieman’s? WTF?” And then, “Can I press a lawsuit against Neiman’s if I hurt myself?” Is this what “more bang for your buck” means? What a bizarre experience. The condom was tied off at the open end. I guess the dude didn’t want his jizz to leak everywhere and make a mess. I can understand why people are hooking up in the parking lot. If you are married, you can’t hook up at home. If you are living with your parents you can’t hook up at home. If you live with your GF you can’t hook up at home. If you haven’t come out of the closet yet you can’t hook up at home. And sometimes it is hot to hook up in the car at your workplace on your work breaks. Some people take what they can get, you know. What I don’t understand is why did he litter? Why not just throw the rubber away? Why throw the rubber out the window? Where is the wrapper? Did she keep it as a souvenir the way people hold on to wine corks?

26 Beach

2009-11-11T22:25:00.000-08:00

3100 Washington BlvdVenice, CA 90291
(310) 823-7526 www.26beach.com

The brunches have the most decadent sweets like croissant French toast with ice cream, berries and chocolate shavings or French toast stuffed with peanut butter and Reese’s Pieces and covered with chocolate sauce. Dessert for breakfast is right up there with morning glories for me. Egg dishes are mixed with odd yet yummy options such as pasta, goat cheese, and crushed red pepper. Jews Rejoice!! Skip the bagel and the carbs and eat your eggs with smoked salmon, cream cheese and asparagus. The rest of the menu items are just as innovative and super delicious. The desserts are must tries! The ambiance is cute, shabby chic-ish. Chicks love stuff like this – it’s a good place to take dates…as long as they aren’t the high maintenance types that want brunch at a swanky hotel. Service is good and come early because they are always packed.

Paciugo Gelato

2009-11-05T21:34:00.001-08:00

190 W Hillcrest Drive, Suite 65Thousand Oaks, CA 91360
(805) 497-4449 www.paciugo.com

I just got back from Rome and I am dying for the gelato that I found there. Paciugo does not even come close to comparing to the creamy perfection of Roman gelato, but they do offer delicious frozen treat options when you are hot or have PMS or it can really help you dump that boring date if you are lactose intolerant. There are about 30 unique and different flavors that change frequently including lavender, apple pie, gingerbread cookie, green tea chocolate and sweet potato pie. They give you 3 different flavors in their smallest size – so perfect for you indecisive types. I love variety in my men and in my gelato. The service is super friendly and they offer as many samples as you want. Go ahead and be a sample whore and try a flavor or 10.

Lazy Dog Café

2009-11-04T21:44:00.000-08:00

The Oaks Mall172 West Hillcrest DriveThousand Oaks, CA 91360
(805) 449-5206 www.lazydogcafe.com/

At first I was turned off by the name – anything with the word “lazy” in it totally disgusts me – like lazy Susan, Miranda’s lazy ovary in Sex and the City, and worst of all, lazy eye. My friend said we had to try it since I had never been there. She wanted to broaden my horizons. It’s your typical family friendly place with a bar. There is a wide variety of food including pastas, pizzas, burgers, sandwiches and the typical fried bar foods. There is a good selection of drinks including white peach sangria and pomegranate margaritas. Service was excellent. The premises were clean. My GF had a pizza that she enjoyed and I had ahi poke which was fine. It’s a good casual place to eat at before hitting the movies or the mall.

The Bazaar

2009-11-03T20:21:00.000-08:00

SLS Hotel at Beverly Hills465 S La Cienega BlvdLos Angeles, CA 90048
(310) 246-5567 http://www.thebazaar.com/

First thing I have to say is that the host was rude. Look douche, you are in the service industry and you need to serve me. Without me you are out of a job. If you are aspiring to be an actor, then how about trying to act like a host and having some manners. This place is a visual orgasm. Different rooms with different decors and so many cool things to look at including the people. There is a shopping section that borders the pastry room in case you need a whip or some crystal studded nipple covers. Our seats were not comfy, but our service was good. We tried the Philly cheese steak which was unbelievable. Cotton candy foie gras was an original twist of sweet and salty cutely presented like a lollipop. I loved the charcuterie platter – it came with toasted bread slathered with a tomato spread. The apple salad was super pretty, but didn’t taste like anything special – the manchego on top was tasteless. The chicken croquettes tasted like something you would eat at a white trash mobile home party. We also had about 5 other things that were just worthless to write about. They move you to another room for dessert that is equally as uncomfortable with super slow service. We got the flan and the lava cake which were nothing special. The nitro coconut floating island was the only dessert worth the $12. It looked like a big mushroom shaped meringue. When you break the top it was full of coconut liquid goodness with sugar fired bananas on the side. I loved the bathroom – it was wall to wall mirrors so that all the wannabe starlets can look at themselves from all angles while they are throwing up their $300 meals.

Yagumo Sushi

2009-11-02T21:39:00.000-08:00

14554 Vanowen StVan Nuys, CA 91405, (818) 787-9383

I eat raw at least twice a week. If I made more money I would eat it 5 times a week – gotta leave room for beef and pork – the one I love. My bro wanted to come here to try the spicy roll challenge. They rate their spiciness on a 1 to 10 scale. If you can eat 2 #10 spicy rolls then you can have a t shirt and your picture on the mall. He and 2 of his friends did the challenge. It seemed like a really dumb thing to do. I told my bro if you let me kick you in the nuts, I’ll give you a T shirt and take your picture because that is basically what you are signing up for. You could smell the rolls coming, they were so stinky. No one finished the challenge. Our table ordered about 30 different things and I didn’t enjoy any of it, although it was dirt cheap. I am pretty sure that all 5 of us ate for the same price that I would have paid for just myself if I had gone to Katsuya or Koi. It was crowded so it must be popular, but then again crowds do not equal good taste. A lot of people eat Velveeta not because they are poor, but because they don’t know better. Service was slow. Two things that grossed me out were the little fully formed octopuses in the salad and the bathroom. The bathroom was scary.

Le Cirque

2009-11-01T20:52:00.000-08:00

Bellagio Hotel3600 Las Vegas Blvd SLas Vegas, NV 89109
(702) 693-7223 http://www.bellagio.com/restaurants/le-cirque.aspx

Don’t go here looking for a hot and hip crowd. This French sister restaurant of the one in NYC is located in the Bellagio hotel and although the service is impeccable, the patrons are not here to get wasted and look for Vegas style orgies. The décor is elegant, yet still manages to keep its circus theme. The ceiling is a multicolored fabric tent, the seats are plush red and orange, and the walls have circus scenes. I tried the $68 pre-show set menu and it was just one amazing dish after another. The one that really stood out for me was the truffled risotto. It was a melt in your mouth, burst of flavors feeling. The lobster bisque was so decadent and filling. The beef tenderloin was yummy yummy yummy. BUT none of the desserts were worth writing about. I got 5 of them and they were all mediocre.

Social Sites turned me into a Cyber Stalker

2009-10-31T21:12:00.000-07:00

Stalking has reached new highs and lows…depending on whether you are stalker or stalkee. Social sites such as Facebook and MySpace make it so easy to track the day to day activities of anyone and everyone. I would never have said I was a stalker before…only because I didn’t have the balls to do drive-bys. I mean back when I started dating, unless you could hack into his email account or look at his cell phone log or read text messages, there was really no other way stalk the guy that you were dating. Well I guess you could have hired a detective agency to trail him, but really, who is that psycho? And who has that kind of money? The internet has made stalking so easy. Today you can Google, MySpace or Face Book him and see what he is doing. You can always tell if someone is cheating on you because the chick he is hooking up with is always THAT girl leaving the god awful notes on his page like, “Hi Sexy” or “Miss you already XOXO” or “Can’t wait to see you again although we’ve only been apart for 3 minutes” or my personal favorite, “I am so sore so don’t think about coming over tonight again”. Along with all those notes that make your stomach fall and your head spin are the photos he’s tagged in from events that you were not aware of. Like that photo of him with some chick on his lap when he should have been working late or that photo of him with her head in his lap when he was supposed to be bringing soup to his grandma or that destination trip photo of him and her when he was supposedly on a business trip. It’s getting too complicated. Either we abstain from social sites when dating or we should abstain from relationships. They both give me cheap thrills, but last time I checked FB doesn’t drop the double O in my lap.

Blue 32

2009-10-31T20:14:00.000-07:00

1332 Hermosa AvenueHermosa Beach, CA 90254(310) 376-2600 bluethirtytwo.com

I came here for Sunday brunch and was surprised by this club atmosphere near the beach. It looks like a cool, hip place to hang out at night, with flat screen TVs behind the bar, low slung leather couches, and beaded curtains sectioning off a part of the room. Portions are huge. We ordered the Applewood Scramble with Eggs that was chocked full of bacon and sausage and a side of seasoned potatoes. The South Beach Nachos came with all blue colored chips, liberally covered with cheese with sides of salsa, guacamole, and sour cream. The closer for me was the Bananas Foster French toast. It was absolute sugar rush heaven. Chunks of skewered French toast were covered in syrupy, sugared bananas and 3 scoops of vanilla ice cream. This is the most amazing sugary breakfast I have ever had.

Is it cheating if…. I think I am bi?

2009-10-27T22:23:00.000-07:00

In this era of “open” relationships and people that are confused about their sexual orientation, we need to ask ourselves how black and white the cheating rules are. In today’s free love era, where if you have enough money and the right meds AIDs won’t kill you, not only do you have to worry about your man or woman cheating on you with the opposite sex, now you have to wonder if their same sex BFF is really their undercover lover.

1. Is it cheating if…You are a man and your girlfriend kisses another girl?
o Well this is a toughie. If she is totally loaded up on alcohol, crack, meth, ruffies, whatever then probably not. If she is sober and just out of the blue makes out with random women in front of you or worse she comes home smelling like her coworker’s Laura’s pussy then there is a good chance that either she is an attention whore or she is cheating on you with other women.
2. Is it cheating if…You are a man and your girl brings another girl home with her for sandwich time?
o Men love to fantasize about hooking up with multiple women, but for some reason they get uptight when their woman likes to bring Cherry from the local strip joint home every other night for a little lap dance in the bedroom action. A random hook up here or there on special occasions like your birthday, your anniversary, Valentine’s day, Christmas, Cinco de Mayo or Labor Day with your GF and another woman is acceptable, but if it is becoming routine then there is a good chance that she would prefer Cherry pie over some meat pie.
3. Is it cheating if…You are a woman and your BF likes to get lap dances at Chippendales without you?
o There are men that like to dance and they will dance next to other men at clubs and that is totally fine, but if your dude is giddily stuffing dollar bills down some dude’s G-string while Chippy is grinding on his face with his cod piece then you might want to question the sexuality of your BF.
4. Is it cheating if…You are a woman and your BF lets his gay friend blow him?
o The only answer to this is YES. It’s one thing for women to go down on each other in search of enlightenment, but this scenario just doesn’t exist with straight men unless they are in prison and don’t want to get shanked.

Campanile - I LOVE MARK PEEL

2009-10-27T21:18:00.000-07:00

624 S La Brea AveLos Angeles, CA 90036, (323) 938-1447 http://www.campanilerestaurant.com/

I love the building. I don’t know if it’s because of the vaulted ceilings or that it used to belong to Charlie Chaplin or maybe it’s because of the romantic indoor fountain gurgling while you sample little bites of the ungodly good cheese served with the absolutely mouthwatering toasted bread. When I step into Mark Peel’s place, I feel like I have stepped back in time to a place where eating out is still steeped in elegance and class. The service is above and beyond that of about 95% of LA restaurants. The squash soup was so thick and creamy and flavorful that I wanted to bathe in it so I could lick it off myself. The poached eggs with mushroom sauce melted in my mouth. The pork loin made me want to go out and slaughter the piggies myself it was so unbelievable. I can’t believe a pig could taste so good. The mustard mashed potatoes under the pork loin were by far the best way I have ever been served a spud. These items were absolutely amazing and to die for. Our AWESOME server RYAN asked Mark Peel to come to our table and say hi and I squealed like a little groupie when he came out. For a celebrity chef, Mark Peel is humble and gracious and one of the nicest people ever and he absolutely made my day when he autographed his cook book for me. I am such a fan of Mark Peel and his food!

Breakfast in Bed Broke Me

2009-10-26T23:59:00.001-07:00

Brunch is one of the things that I love to do because there is nothing better to have someone else slave over you while you chill over Mimosas and syrupy French toast. My boyfriend is a diehard football fan which means that if we eat, it has to be before ten. He can be happy with a banana and a yogurt for breakfast, but I have to have a full meal with all the works. I want a Thanksgiving dinner for breakfast. In an effort to pretend to be the homemaker that I am not, I got groceries to make breakfast so that we wouldn’t have to leave and the BF could watch football. I have to preface that my mom doesn’t allow me to do anything other than microwave food in her kitchen. My BF asked if he could help and I told him to make toast. He doesn’t own a toaster, so he turned the oven on and threw some bread in and jumped on the couch to watch football. I had 2 pans: one with eggs and one with bacon. How the F do restaurants get bacon to stay so flat? My bacon curled up like curly hair in humidity. Curling made it burn on some parts and left some parts undercooked. Meanwhile as my bacon was cooking unevenly, I was trying to figure out why the cheese was not melting on the eggs. I accidently picked up low fat cheese which doesn’t really melt like real cheese does. Why does low fat cheese exist? If you need to eat low fat cheese maybe you shouldn’t be eating cheese at all. While I was worried about my non melting cheese, the toast turned black. My feeble cooking resulted in burnt toast, clumpy cheese on runny eggs and half raw, half cooked bacon. On top of my disastrous attempt at cooking, I had PMS. Fueled by the rage at myself over my inability to make bacon in conjunction with the coupling of my hunger with my raging hormones I broke down crying. It started out as rivers of silent tears and then it turned into a torrential down pour, flood like in its intensity. Then I started wailing like a banshee. My BF had to painfully tear himself away from the Raiders to console his seemingly psycho girlfriend. He still ate my burnt toast and bacon. He was a trooper, I went back to bed, and now I never have to make breakfast anymore.

Darband - Thousand Oaks, CA

2009-10-26T22:54:00.000-07:00

868 E Thousand Oaks BlvdThousand Oaks, CA 91360(805) 449-1323

In a town where the most ethnic thing you can find to eat is Mexican or Chinese, it’s amazing that a Persian place is flourishing. The ambiance is pretty nice for a mom and pop place on TO Blvd. They even have a live singer at night. They give you freshly baked pita bread with butter and it’s so yummy that I have to stop myself from eating the whole basket before my meal comes out. Start out with the grape leaves – they are seasoned perfectly. Then get any of the kabobs especially the filet mignon ones. I can’t live without the eggplant and beef stew served with the most flavorful rice and they even give you a piece of that burnt crispy rice that cooks at the bottom of the pan to dip into your stew. I love their freshly brewed iced tea. Service is excellent and it’s kid friendly.

Law Abiding Citizen

2009-10-19T23:50:00.001-07:00

So I haven’t been a fan of any Gerard Butler films since 300, but it’s really hard to beat a film with 300 awesomely buff, beautiful, practically naked assumed straight men. The movie 300 for me was like bikini mud wrestling for men. The trailer for this movie did it no justice. Set in the architecturally gifted landscape of Philly, this is a story of a regular guy that gets screwed over so badly that you sympathize with him the whole time he seeks his vengeance. Every time someone died I gave him a mental high five. This was a thriller that had me at the edge of my seat the whole time. Death scenes were well crafted and original, but the lame ass ending gave me the “he blew his load before I did” feeling. It was such a letdown. Extra points are awarded to the costume designer’s use of beautiful pearls and form fitting business suits. I have never seen such beautiful female suits. It was better than the Ally McBeal wardrobe. Jamie Foxx had better suits than Diddy. The icing on the cake was that you get to see Gerard naked and he looks almost as good as he did in 300 in all his buff nude glory.

Stepbrothers

2009-10-19T23:33:00.001-07:00

I was hoping for another rolling on the floor laughing in tears movie from Will Ferrell and what I got was a lame movie about 2 overgrown not funny men that are forced to live together because their parents wanted to shack up. This was so lame that I wanted to jump into the movie and bitch slap these 2 guys and tell them to grow up. Only rent this if you are the president of the Will Ferrell fan club.

Mama Mia

2009-10-19T23:30:00.000-07:00

Can Meryl Streep be bad in anything? She was absolutely amazing in this movie as the “likes to sleep around” mom who can’t figure out who the father of her daughter is. The kid figures out 3 guys that might be her dad and invites them to her wedding somewhere in Greece. Pierce Brosnan is hot, but yes he should leave the singing to Barry Manilow. This was another movie that I only saw because I was stuck on a plane to Rome, but I am so glad that I got to see it because the combination of Meryl and Abba tunes made me so deliriously happy afterwards. I sang and danced in my seat the whole time.

East Restaurant and Lounge - Hollywood

2009-10-15T07:47:00.001-07:00

East
6611 Hollywood Blvd. Hollywood, CA 90028Los Angeles, CA 90028
(323) 462-3278
www.east-hollywood.com
The décor is a hip, dark, kinky blend of east meets west. The lamps above our tables looked like anal plugs. The mirrors hidden above us made me think of that hedonistic honeymoon suite in Jamaica. The food is Japanese French fusion. The presentation was beautiful. The sushi is unbelievable. The fish is raw tasty goodness that melts in your mouth. Forgo the chopsticks, even Asians couldn’t use them – they were super slippery. You need to order the first 4 raw things on the menu. They were all awesome. The drunken tofu was delicious from the outside and a little plain on the inside. We need more drunkenness please, although the seared mushroom on top was a nice little treat. The monkfish osso bucco was prettier than it tasted. They should de-bone it before they serve it to you. The seared scallops had to be done twice – the first time they were a little chilly the second time they were a little tough. The kobe steak was tender, but boring and it was displayed on this massive plate. It was 4 small slices of beef and a little bit of mushrooms and a lot of ceramic surface. Bread pudding had a hint of alcohol and a crusty croissant top. The carrot cake made good use of ginger, but needed more frosting. The lava cake was chocolatey, but came out room temp instead of hot. OMG! If you try anything, eat the chorizo soufflé - it was the PERFECT blend of east meets west. It was a better fusion than Jackie Chan meets Chris Rock! While you are there try the VeeV drinks – especially the cucumber spa one! It made me feel like I was in Bora Bora waiting for one of the natives to rub me down while I stared at fishes swimming in the crystal blue waters.

Lakeview Terrace

2009-10-13T23:16:00.000-07:00

Why is Samuel L Jackson so awesome at playing so many creepy roles? He plays a racist cop that lives next door to a Jungle Fever couple that makes their life a living hell because his wife likes the Wonder Bread too. There are some very creative ways that SLJ makes these people want to move including a weed whacker massacre, a stripper party caught on tape, and an almost rape by that guy that threw out the black jelly beans in American History X. The best part is that this is supposed to take place in some suburb near us. Lots of funny racist things are said in this movie including creative sentences containing the word “chocolate”. This is a must rent because you never know who your neighbors are going to be.

Tall, dark and hideous?

2009-10-12T23:54:00.000-07:00

Why choose tall, dark and handsome when you can have combos like short, pale and dorky or how about fat, pimply and sweaty palmed or my favorite tiny, plain but hung? I don’t know if it is because we are in our 30s or if we are losing our touch. Maybe it’s because we are a breath away from cougar status, but it seems that all the really hot guys rotating through our bedroom in our 20s like a rotisserie spit are now nowhere to be found. Maybe it’s because we now know better. Maybe it’s because looks aren’t going to pay the bills and or that trip to Italy unless you are dating an underwear model and he has to shoot on location for Donatella. Maybe it’s because all the really hot guys from our youth are now fat from watching football and eating hoagies all day…or they are married to strippers…or they are working on construction sites. Whatever the reason, I find that it’s easier to date outside of our physical comfort zone now. You would never date someone fewer than 6 feet tall in your 20s, but now in your 30s you would date a midget. Tall, dark and handsome are not as important as a thoughtfulness, patience or sensitivity. Good lucks have been swapped for good humor… 6 pack abs are traded in for a 6 figure income and a retirement plan…a square jaw has been replaced by a paunch. And now none of your girlfriends will ask you, “What the F are you thinking when you F him?” Now they understand that its slim pickings out there and you make the best of what you can get. I write all this while I am secretly not convinced that giving up good looks is a sign of the times. Mine still has the 8 pack and is hot because you know what, I don’t care how nice he is or how much money he makes, or how he helps little old ladies across the street. At the end of the day, I have to look at his guy when I go to bed and when I wake up and I’ll end up slitting my wrists if I don’t like what I see. Call me shallow, but I prefer to be called honest and up front.

Rustico - Oak Park, CA

2009-10-12T23:12:00.001-07:00

Rustico
1125 Lindero Canyon Rd Ste A1Westlake Village, CA 91362
(818) 889-0191
Service was EXCELLENT. Garlic knots were mouthwatering. The Gnocchi were little balls of heaven! They were so amazing that I bought an order to go. Filet Mignon with gorgonzola sauce was so tender and flavorful. Skip the ravioli.

Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants

2009-10-12T22:55:00.000-07:00

This is not a movie that I would have chosen to see but since it was offered on my flight to Rome, I had no other options. I t was a cute flick about the friendship of 4 girls and how they find a pair of pants that not only bring them luck, but also look great on all of them. This is kind of hard to believe since the girls are one teeny anorexic chic, one tall model thin chick, a chubby bottom heavy girl, and a chubby goth chick. There is no way in hell that the model and the starving girl are going to fit into the jeans that the 2 chunk chicks can, but it’s Hollywood so I’ll let it slide. So the girls periodically ship each other the jeans to for luck. Their stories are mediocre at best, but 2 of them get to hook up with cute guys, one gets to travel to Turkey and one ends up in Santorini. This might be better as a book, but as a movie it was a waste of movie studio dollars.

My Life in Ruins

2009-10-12T22:54:00.000-07:00

I don’t remember seeing this chick in anything other than my Big Fat Greek Wedding, but once again she is back in Greece, but only this time she is an Athens tour guide that ends up hooking up with the hot bus driver named Poopy Kakas. There are some laughs and some good times, but I would never have paid $10 to see this in the theater. The flick was offered on my flight to Rome so it was this or watching my BF snore so at least I killed 2 hours and the movie saved me from having to actually go to the Acropolis when I was in Athens a few days after I left Rome. Bonus points for the ménage a trios with an 80 year old and 2 hot baby cougars.

Blindness

2009-10-12T22:53:00.001-07:00

Some weird virus takes over the world and people become blind is the main plot of this slow and poorly executed flick aspiring to be original and exciting. It is sad to see wonderful actress Julianne Moore accepting these cheesy movie deals like Blindness and Next where her superb talents are wasted. What happened? SO basically everyone gets herded into a blind camp similar to what they did with lepers back about 100 years ago. You would think that people would help each other out since everyone is now handicapped, but of course there are the a holes in the group that want to take advantage. Lack of food rations from an unsympathetic government leads to group in to taking sides against each other and chaos ensues. We see crazy stuff like people trading their jewelry in for meals and gang rape. In the end you get your vision back. It was a lame ending. I was hoping that everyone would annihilate each other. There are bonus points for fecal grossness and a hot and dirty sex scene.

Café Provencal

2009-10-12T22:49:00.000-07:00

2310 E Thousand Oaks BlvdThousand Oaks, CA 91362(805) 496-7121

This is the most amazing French food that the Conejo Valley has to offer us. Located in a tiny shopping center, this place is a neighborhood gem. The atmosphere is very intimate and the room is small, so don’t go here looking for a party and it is not kid friendly. I dropped by for dinner with a couple of friends and we tried the baked brie with apples which was decent, seared tuna that was perfect with a side of cous cous and bok choy, a lemon butter sauce covered filet of sole, and a chicken breast stuffed with cheese, spinach and mushrooms. All of the entrees were very good. For dessert, we got the cheese plate which should be skipped and the lavender crème brulee which was awesome.

Gino Trattoria

2009-10-12T22:46:00.000-07:00

Gino Trattoria
720 E Thousand Oaks BlvdThousand Oaks, CA 91360
(805) 494-7743
You walk in and instantly you are part of the Gino family. Gino came out and hung out with us while he told us about the daily specials. The place is small and intimate and the dishes are chocked full of flavor. It's fresh and tasty and better than food I have tried in Italy. The bread tasted home made and was served hot. I got the eggplant & mozzarella over penne and it was amazing and so simply flavored with salt and pepper and garlic. The cheese was plentiful and the red sauce was so light. My friend had the shrimp and pesto pasta that was also mouth watering. Gino was cooking something for himself for lunch and brought us a generous sample to try out. This a neighborhood gem.

GI Joe

2009-10-10T03:51:00.000-07:00

This was a high tech, special effects powered orgasm, especially the underwater fight scene – that was intense like a double O. GI Joe has more toys than Batman, although none of them are as hot. The baroness is an ass kicker with black hair, black boots, and big boobs. How big were those chicken cutlets that flat chested Sienna was using? They were amazing. We should all own a pair. Her wardrobe surpassed that of Angie Jolie in Mr. and Mrs. Smith. Most attempts at humor were lame. I loved the physical testing process that Duke and Rip Cord had to go through especially the Brandon Fraser cameo as a Joe trainer. Why does he always get cast as a bad ass? He is such a d bag. My favorite character was Snake Eyes. I love his ninja skills during the fight scene with Night Shadow, but why does the Asian guy always have such awful hair? Scarlet was only cool because of her equal opportunity love making and her fight scene with the Baroness. Why did they dump my favorite GI Joe character Lady Jane? Why is Duke such a weenie when it comes to his relationship with the Baroness? Get over dude. Anyone chick that shoots at you obviously is not just playing hard to get.

Pop Champagne Bar

2009-09-29T21:36:00.000-07:00

www.popchampagnebar.com
33 E. Union St.Pasadena, CA 91103(626) 795-1295

I love the décor – it has huge chandeliers hanging from the ceilings, dark wood paneling, cute round mirrors that resemble champagne bubbles on one wall, and cozy comfy seating. We dropped by late on a Saturday night for some fizz and food. The menu is a great mix of appetizers, little meals and desserts. We got 2 flights of bubbly that were generously served and well explained by the cute and friendly bartender. We also got the super flavorful truffled mac and cheese and 3 desserts. The mac was a little runny, but it was still one of the best and more flavorful macs that I have had and it came with a side of fries that were tasty but not crisp. The side of bleu cheese mayo is ungodly good. I want to smear this all over everything I eat from now. It can transform the mediocre into magical. The desserts we ordered were churros, choc chip cookies & ice cream and the chocolate decadence – choc mousse ball on one side and choc sorbet on the other. The churros were soft and crisp, but lacked that cinnamon punch that I expect with regular churros. It came with 3 dipping sauces that made up for it in strawberry, choc, and caramel flavors. The cookies and ice cream were as good as BJ’s pizzookie. The choc mousse and choc sorbet was the best dessert if you love chocolate. It is chocolate heaven. I can’t wait to come back and try the sliders and the fruit flavored sakes.

Maison Akira

2009-09-29T21:35:00.000-07:00

www.maisonakira.net
713 E Green St, Pasadena, CA - (626) 796-9501

Everything about this place is 5 stars. It’s super clean. The service is very attentive and friendly. Chef Akira and his food is AMAZING and many options come in 2 sizes – regular and tapas - perfect for sharing and trying out many dishes. We started out with an amuse bouche of yellowtail with a lentil, tomato, pickle relish – Very Good. For the appetizer we got the bento box which came with seared Hokkaido scallops, sashimi tuna with wasabi caviar, seared duck pate over pineapple, and chilled mushrooms – Orgasmic! We tried the black and white sesame coated tuna sashimi with the wasabi caviar with a side of the creamiest wasabi mashed potatoes. The sushi was a velvety, melt in your mouth consistency. I love how the little wasabi balls pop in your mouth – it’s like little bubbles of heaven. My date got the rib eye steak with gratin potatoes and mixed veggies. The steak was the perfect color and so tender. To finish it off we ordered the Grand Marnier Soufflé which was not too heavy on the alcohol and the perfect consistency and the Timbal Elysee which was the creamiest ice cream dotted with fresh berries covered with the most beautiful hard caramel dome. There was raspberry and vanilla sauce in the shape of hearts that went around the plate. All of this came to under $100. The best part of dinner was that Chef Akira himself came out to see how our food was. I loved the personal attention. The décor wasn’t hip or fun, but it was elegant. I highly recommend this place for a romantic date out or a foodie friends night.

Istanbul, Turkey

2009-09-20T14:00:00.000-07:00

Check out photos at http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=147901&id=743495554&saved#/album.php?aid=147901&id=743495554

We did a 2 day, $280 tour of the city with Bhridal, the Turkey version of Antonio Banderas. The Galata Bridge connects the European and Asian sides of the country. Istanbul overwhelms your senses. Your eyes can’t stand still from looking at the awesome architecture, the nonstop movement of people going about their days, and the touts trying to sell you anything and everything. Your nose gets inundated with pollution, exhaust fumes, spices, grilled meats, and sugary confections such as baklava and Turkish Delight. Your ears can hear the traffic, the locals talking, the tour guides giving history lessons, the vendors making bargains, and the tourists saying, “Ooh” and “Aah” all at the same time. Your hands want to touch the walls on all of the old buildings, the fabric of the rulers clothing hanging in the museum, the magnificent jewelry of the royal families, the ceramic bowls and tiles for sale in the stalls, and the candy and spices in the Spice Bazaar. Your mouth will taste things you have never tasted in your life. The combination of spices not used in everyday American cooking on meats like lamb and goat are delicious. The combo of honey and nuts on Baklava is so yummy. The zillion different flavors of Turkish Delight make me so happy. The doner kabobs make me glad that I am not a vegetarian. I suggest while you are there to go see: the Golden Horn, Hippodrome, Topkapi Palace – check out the royal jewels, Haghia Sofia, Baths of Roxelana, Basilica Cistern, Blue and New Mosques, Galata Tower, and run through the pigeons in Taksim Square. Go shopping at the Grand Bazaar, Spice Bazaar, and Ortakoy.

Athens, Greece

2009-09-20T13:05:00.000-07:00

Check out the photos at http://www.facebook.com/editphoto.php?aid=147847#/album.php?aid=147847&id=743495554

Athens is a total 360 from Santorini and Mykonos. It’s a fully industrialized huge city and there are TONS of taxis. We wanted to check out the Acropolis. The place was huge and when we rolled up it was like Disneyland on a hot summer day packed. Instead we took a short walk up Filopappos Hill to a view point directly across from the Acropolis and took photos. From there we cruised around the area of Plaka and Monistiraki checking out the cute little restaurants and stores. This place is huge on selling sandals and there were about a million different styles. The only thing we bought was ice cream. We found some really cool churches called Mitropoli, Panagia Gorgoepikoos, and Kapnikarea. Then we took a cable ride up to the highest point of the city on Lycabettus Hill to see the church of Agios Georgios. We had lunch at Orizontes overlooking the entire city. Then it was time to head back to the ship docked in Piraeus.

Rome, Italy

2009-09-20T11:51:00.000-07:00

Check out the photos at http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=147810&id=743495554&saved

We had 2 days to see the whole city and I think we needed another 2. This city is chocked full of culture and history and there were still so many things that I wanted to see and experience. I do not recommend not seeing this city in the summer. It’s ungodly Vegas style hot. We didn’t feel unsafe or had to worry about pick pockets at all and it’s not that dirty here. It’s a lot cleaner than LA.
Here are a couple of Tips:
· Everything is expensive compared to the US so bring lots of cash since many places don’t take credit cards.
· It’s lost of walking so get comfy shoes
· Use the trains at the Termini Station: This is super cheap and pretty easy to navigate. Don’t get caught up in the line for tickets. Use the English speaking ticket machines to the side. Most of the workers at the station speak a little English and are helpful. You show them your ticket and they point you in the right direction. Just don’t be afraid to ask and try dropping at least one word of Italian so you don’t seem like one of those rude American tourists that Europeans love to hate. You take your luggage up on to the train with you. Instead of taking the $180 taxi ride or $300 private car ride from the city to the port, you can take a $12 taxi from the city to the train station and then take a $6 train ride from the train station to the port. From the port you walk a little bit to the shuttle bus that takes you to the cruise ship.
· Taxis: Most taxi drivers speak English, are pretty nice and helpful, and none of them tried to rip us off. You can find them at any tourist spots except next to the Coliseum on Sundays since they close the roads between the Coliseum and the Forum. Don’t forget to tip 10%.
· Roman Gelato: This is the world’s best ice cream from the 16 countries I have been to. I ate 3 cones a day which put me n the bathroom forever, but I couldn’t stop eating it. Did I mention that I am lactose intolerant?
· Stay at the Sofitel: This was a great small luxury hotel. The doorman, Luigi, was a dream. He was super nice, charming, and so helpful. Everyone in the entire place was unbelievably nice. The rooms were clean and we had a balcony with views all the way to St Peter’s. The restaurant on the 7th floor had exceptional views of the city. There is free internet in the lobby. The shower was a little odd; the door only covered half the bath so the floor got a little wet.
· Eat at Piccolo Modo: This little restaurant near our hotel served the best Italian food we have had in Rome. It was not close to one of the best meals I have had. We had lasagna and pesto gnocchi. I am sorry to say this, but I did not eat anything outstanding in this city other than the gelato.

Here is what we saw:
Vatican Museum: For $21, you get herded in like cows to the slaughter. The air conditioning was worthless. The art work was extraordinary and a Roman must see, but I would never ever do this twice.
St. Peter’s Basilica and Square: Free to get in and made up for the awfulness of the Vatican. If there is only one thing you could see in Rome, this is it. The massiveness of it almost inspired me to go to mass. You can climb the 300 steps to the top of the dome for views of the city, but we did not attempt it in the sweltering heat. The line for St Peter’s is about as long as the one for food rations during World War 2 so come with an umbrella, lots of water, and the patience of a saint.
Cathedrals: There are about 900 churches to see. We only saw about 6. They are all superbly built. The church of St Agnes had her skull in a case in a side room. That was the best relic to see. Don’t dress like a whore or you will get kicked out. Knees and shoulders must be covered up.
Trevi Fountain: This is a hundred times better at night all lit up than it is in the morning. The sheer size of this fountain is incredible. Pictures do it no justice. DO NOT EAT in this touristy area – food is awful except for the gelato – double fist it like you would at a Tijuana bar when you were 18.
Spanish Steps: This was a big bunch of steps that tourists like to hang out on. The views from the top are nothing special – just tourists, shops, and the tops of buildings including St Peter’s. The redeeming quality is that shopping here includes high end shops like Gucci and Dior.
The Coliseum: Don’t get suckered into the tour groups. They tell you that for an extra $6 you can jump to the front of the long line, but then you have to wait at the front of the line until the tour fills up which is longer than the real wait in the normal line. The regular line is totally shaded and moves quickly. This place is humungous, awe inspiring, jaw dropping and worth the raping price of $18 to get in.
Roman Forum: It was a nightmare looking for the entrance. We took many wrong turns and did a lot of uphill walking. It is nowhere close to the Coliseum even though on the map it looks like it right next door. By the time we found it, we didn’t want to bother going in. Although the long walk was very scenic they should offer rickshaw rides or bicycle taxis from the Coliseum to the Roman Forum.
Piazza Novena: One of the largest squares in the city, this place was just a bunch of mediocre restaurants, the church of St. Agnes and a bunch of cookie cutter art vendors. You should skip eating it and only check it out for St. Agnes’ skull. If you have time to kill, have a coffee and people watch.
Parthenon: Located in a sort of dirty and crowded piazza, you only get to see the outside of it. You can peek through the crack in the front doors to see inside. There are some street musicians, some guys dressed up like Roman warriors for some photo ops, and plenty of coffee shops.

Naples, Italy

2009-09-20T11:42:00.000-07:00

Check out the photos at http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=147805&id=743495554&saved#/album.php?aid=147805&id=743495554

Everyone warned us about how dangerous and ghetto this place is. Although it is the dirtiest place we have seen on this trip, we didn’t feel unsafe. The air is polluted. The streets are congested. There are beggars. Dirty children play soccer in the streets using a piece of ripped up tarp as the net for the goal. It is total loud chaos. The architecture is amazing but needs heavy restoration. It’s like they had this cool, beautiful place and they don’t care enough to take care of it. It’s like having a hot daughter and letting her get married to trailer trash. It’s such a waste. We only had time to check out the Toledo area of Naples near the docks. From our room, we had perfect views of the stone fortress looking Castel Nuovo. We didn’t bother going in because we are so burnt out of looking in old buildings. We started walking from the dock and ended up at the humongous Piazza del Plebiscito, taking in views of the church of San Francesco di Paola and the Royal Palace. Then we continued on to the Piazza Trieste e Trento which is a heavily blocked artery of a street junction. From there, we walked pass the Galleria Umberto and then we finished off with a shopping trip down Via Toledo. Via Toledo was an odd assortment of shops similar to Melrose in Hollywood. There were higher end places mixed in with lower and mid level shops. Along the street were vendors that set up their goods on the sidewalk peddling things like fake handbags, cheap souvenirs, handmade crafts and tourist type junk. We picked up another gelato and headed back to the boat. This is a place I would like to spend a few more days in since there was so much to see.

Capri, Italy

2009-09-20T09:09:00.000-07:00

Check out the photos at http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=147726&id=743495554&saved#/album.php?aid=147753&id=743495554&page=2

Capri is a paradise compared to Naples. It’s like you left hell for heaven. It’s like you traded Compton for Beverly Hills. It’s like you someone introduced you to real cheese when you only knew Velveeta. It’s a quick and easy $16, hour long boat ride from Naples to Capri. I highly suggest that you take this tour and get yourself out of the slums. Take the cable ride to the top of Mount Solaro and check out the amazing views of the ocean and the city. It’s like Rodeo Drive at the top -just about every high end designer you can think of has a store here on Capri. There is also a bunch of really beautiful hotels, villas, grottos and restaurants. We got some pizza and gelato and walked around until we got to this view point that overlooked these 2 rocks in the middle of the ocean called I Faraglioni. It was spectacular. Pizza here is really doughy and cheap on the sauce and cheese – not my style.